Girls Bully Girls- QueenBees and WannaBees

Emma has started puberty early and has noticeably larger breasts in September at the start of sixth grade than she did in June at the end of school.  Other girls notice her popularity with the boys and decide to “punish” her.

They start a campaign of rumors, gossip and exclusion of Emma from all activities where she used to be included as a friend.  Confused and hurt, Emma asks why she is being ignored and shunned.

One of the girls who was a former friend confesses that the only reason Emma is getting attention from boys is because she is “putting out.” She tells her that texts and messages have been going back and forth talking about “When girls have sex, their boobs get big.”

Girls can be very mean to other girls, especially about the rate of body development in puberty.

Big Problems Need Adult Intervention

Humiliated and embarrassed over the lies, Emma decides to talk to the school counselor. Fortunately the school had a caring counselor and administrative staff who called a meeting of the girls involved in the attack and their parents.

After a frank discussion over the natural development of our bodies, the counselor also talked about the need for kindness and empathy.  An anti-bullying program was set in place and parents and students were made aware of the consequences of cyberbullying.

This story had a happy ending.  Many do not.

Cyberbullying May Lead To Depression Or Even Death

In addition to texting lies and rumors, there have been some instances which included posting doctored pictures of a person on the Internet.  When a group of girls decides to turn on someone, they tend to get others involved who agree with the Queen Bee, or the girl with the most power in the group.

Other girls or Wannabees are fearful of standing up to the leader for fear they will be the next target.  They then become either participants in the cyberbullying or bystanders who do nothing to help the victim.

The bystander or witness, who does not at least try to help the victim, may suffer as much or more than the victim. They too may suffer from anxiety, fear, depression and lack of self-esteem.

There Are No Winners In Bullying Situations

A lot of damage can be done via electronic or online bullying. It can be worse than face-to-face bullying because it is can be anonymous or hard to trace.  There are a number of laws being created internationally to make this a crime.

Parade Magazine 8/22/10 Article On Cyberbullies

According to the article in a recent Parade magazine, included in our Sunday paper, laws have been passed in Massachusetts and New Hampshire expanding bullying laws to include digital harassment. Nevada and Louisiana have set up criminal penalties for those convicted of intimidating others electronically.

Missouri, a second offense can lead to felony charges.  Many teens do not realize how serious it is to cyberbully someone they don’t like or disagree with.  Many think it is funny to haze or tease a victim or target until they drop out of school or activities.

Talk Often To Young People About Empathy

Parents and other caring adults need to model empathy and kindness as well as teaching it on an ongoing basis. Parents should also make sure that they talk to their children regularly about cyber bullying.

Helping them to understand that cyberbullying is a crime and offenders will be punished.  What may have started out as a joke or misunderstanding can quickly get out of hand and lives can be ruined.

And if a situation becomes serious or threatening messages are sent, the authorities should be notified.

The more open the lines of communication between generations of caring adults, the more likely they are to come to you to help them solve big problems like cyberbullying and abuse.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all:

If you are the parent of a 14 year old girl, bless you.  This is a stage and age of drama, drama, drama. They often use a loud voice and tears to get attention and make sure they are heard and seen.  They want to be part of the “in group.”  They want to fit in and have a fear of being out of synch with friends and the popular girls.  If this includes bashing someone on Facebook or Twitter, so be it.  They would never consider themselves as cyberbullys, but many are.

Sometimes girls at this age have difficulty listening to parents, especially moms.  Girls get into arguments with their parents again, especially mothers, over curfews and friends.  There are also lots of squabbles over homework, clothes and helping around the house.  Girls of fourteen love to complain about their parents online to their friends and friends of friends and friends of friends.

Ramifications On Online Posts

Because they lack the control of more mature girls, they may say and do things online that they later regret.  They do not have the experience to recognize the long lasting effects of posting hurtful  and hateful things online.  One young girl I know was angry with her mom because she was not allowed to go to a party.  Ten years ago, there would have been tears, pleading, doors slamming and ultimate forgiveness on everyone’s part.

Instead, this girl went to her room where her computer was (bad,bad idea…keep all computers in an area where there is a chance of an adult walking by) and posted a slam on  her mother’s Facebook account.  She was so angry at her mom that she posted that her mother hit her and abused the kids who were in her daycare.  This was a lie and almost got her mother turned over to authorities.

Think and Pause Before Hitting Send

Even though it is hard to talk to your 14 year old daughter about cyberbullying and online posting, it is imperative that she understand what might happen when you hit send too soon.

In face to face interactions, you can gauge the reaction and modify your remarks, but online it is anonymous.  Once a post is online it is out there forever and ever.  Help your daughter to understand that her quick posts and blasts may be hurting others needlessly.  Help her to see that she could easily become a cyberbully and that is not the kind of reputation she or you want.

I have confidence in you.

Your friend,  Judy H. Wright

14 year old girls are very interested in interpersonal relationships. They may not be aware of dangers online.