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Posts Tagged ‘victim of bully’

Beating The Bullies-Draw The Line On Bullying

Tuesday, October 22nd, 2019

Are you afraid your child is being picked on by a bully in school? Do you know how to talk to your kids about bullying and methods for beating the bullies at their own game? How do you draw the line on bullying?  How do you and your child succeed at beating the bullies? Is bullying that bad?  YES.

Left unchecked, bullying can be disastrous for children and their self-esteem.  Some of the long term effects of bullying may lead to depression or make it hard to form lasting trusting relationships.

Bullies Cannot Be Allowed To Harm Our Kids

But as a caring adult, what can you do that will not make the situation worse?  You may very well think that playground bullying is between the children and adults should not get involved.  However, left unchecked, bullying will only escalate and your child will be left feeling vulnerable and unsafe.

Granted I am older that most parents who are dealing with this issue.  But, even when our kids were younger, bullying wasn’t much talked about. If teachers or parents saw a blatant case of bullying, they stepped in and put a stop to it – often with a smack to the head or a threat of one. Even if the smack was not delivered, most kids were scared enough of the principal and teachers that the abuse stopped.

Many times the teachers would look the other way when someone had the courage to confront the bully and fight it out behind the school.  That may very well happen today, but it is not condoned. Times have changed. As a society, we don’t discipline in that manner any longer.

Teachers and administrators are so afraid of a law suit that they frequently jump in too soon.

cyberbullying, protect children from bullies, online bullies, facebook bully, help for kids who are bullied

New ideas to help you and your child beat the bullies. Check out for more information. You will be glad you did.


New Way Of Responding To Bullies

Many schools practice some sort of “bullying control.”  I am familiar with Kelso’s Choice which is an excellent program for elementary schools.

One middle school I know, practices the concept of ‘the line.’ Individual students either operate above the line or below the line. Above–the-line behavior includes self-control and respect for others – especially respect for fellow students.

Below the line is the domain where the bully operates. Bullies don’t care so much about respecting others. Bullies choose to elevate them selves by putting others down. The bullies own lack of self-respect is most likely a root cause of their bullying behavior.

Let’s be clear, the bully is a leader who leads others below-the-line. The bully gains power when others follow. Without a following, the bully loses power.

Teach your children to pick up on what the bully says but to reply in a way that neutralizes the insult.  For example:

“You stink.”

“Yep, it is a new shampoo.  I think it smells great.”

Help them to understand they have a choice. Either choose to lead and live above the line or lead and live below the line.
Either choose to follow the leaders who operate above the line or follow the bullies who operate below the line.

Bullies Are Cowards

A great method for defussing bullying incidences is to ask the bully to “say it again.” Encourage your child to keep asking the bully to repeat the insult until it becomes less offensive. Since most bullies are cowards and lack the courage to repeat the insult and are more likely to tone it down.

Teach your kids to imagine themselves inside a protective bubble that bounces off bullies’ words.  If they practice visualizing this with you, they will be able to have some control in a potentially disempowering encounter.

Empower Your Child

 Make sure your children have chances to make friends and have successes away from where bullying takes place.  Try a drama group, sports club, band, or choir where the group provides a shared activity than can rebuild confidence eroded by bullies.

Share your comments and ideas at  You will also receive a two page list of resources to help beat the bully and draw the line on bullying.

Judy Helm Wright is an author, coach and parent educator.  Schedule a free consultation with her at   You will be glad you did.

What Is Cyber Bullying & Helping The Bystander To Bullying

Friday, October 11th, 2019

What is Cyber Bullying?

According to, cyber bullying is bullying that happens using the internet or electronic technology. Just like regular bullying, cyber bullying involves an aggressive act performed by a person that has (or that is perceived to have) more power toward a person that has (or that is perceived to have) less power. Bullying is repetitive and purposeful. It can include name calling, threats to cause harm and spreading rumors.

What Are Schools Doing to Prevent Bullying?

Nearly all schools take some measure to educate students about bullying and to prevent them from bullying their peers. Teachers talk about bullying in students’ health classes. Schools hold special programs and assemblies to educate students about the importance of not bullying. It all goes to enforce to students that bullying is wrong, hurtful and unacceptable. But if students know these things, why does it still happen?

Despite all the education that students receive about bullying, bullying still exists both at school and online. While anti-bullying measures demonstrate the school’s best intentions, The Total Bully Solution points out that too often school’s best efforts frequently don’t work. There are several reasons why people continue to bully when they know it is wrong. There are also several reasons why other students witnessing the bullying do not put a stop to it.

What is the Bystander Effect?

The bystander effect is what happens when people do not step in to help when they see another person being bullied or being placed in some type of danger. Named after the infamous stabbing of Kitty Genovese in 1964, the term “the bystander effect” refers to the tendency of people to not help in an emergency situation when other people are present.

According to social experiments done by Bibb Latané and John Darley, if one person witnesses an emergency situation where someone needs assistance, they are likely to help. They feel responsible for helping because they know if they do not help, no one else is around to do so.


Something strange happens when a group of people watch an emergency take place, however. Instead of rushing to help, people look at those around them to gauge their reactions. If no one else reacts, people rationalize not helping by saying that it is socially acceptable to not help or that someone else will help. They do not feel so responsible.

How Does the Bystander Effect Affect People who Witness Cyber Bullying?

People who witness cyber bullying online know that they are not the only people to see it. They feel removed from the situation and they figure that because so many people see the bullying taking place, they are not personally responsible for doing something to stop it. As a result, cyber bullies are able to continually harass their victims with no repercussions because no one intervenes. While it would be helpful if internet service providers were able to monitor online bullying, the best bully prevention techniques start at home.

How Can People Overcome the Bystander Effect?

The best way to overcome the bystander effect is to educate people about it. If people realize that they are in a large group of people who are not likely to help, they will be motivated to be the person that does help.


Nikki Longo is a writer based off the east coast. When she’s not writing at the desk that overlooks the beautiful tree in her backyard she can be found playing with her dogs or cooking up a new recipe. Feel free to reach out to her at

How To Protect Your Child From Cyber Bullying Using Mobile Monitoring Applications?

Monday, August 20th, 2012

How To Protect Your Child From Cyber Bullying Using Mobile Monitoring Applications?

Mobile usage is increasing day by day and it has become an indispensable device. The additional uses of a mobile phone as a camera, a music player, a laptop to access mails and internet has resulted in its widespread usage. Children too have not been spared from being bitten by the mobile phone bug. The benefits are far surpassed by the crimes associated with children using mobile phones.

Cyber bullying is rampant in the cyber world.

Children unknowingly fall victims to such abuse through visiting prohibited sites and social networking sites. There have been many instances where children were lured through answering missed calls from unknown numbers and subjected to sexual harassment.

Hence, it is important for parents to protect their children from becoming victims of cyber abuse. This can be achieved by installing mobile monitoring applications like Mobile Spy on your child’s phone.

Software easy to install to protect your child

It is very easy to install such software on your child’s phone. Once installed, the data from the mobile phone is uploaded to your user account, which is created at the time of purchasing the monitoring application. All activities of the phone can then be viewed remotely through the user account. Some of the monitoring application features that help to protect your child from cyber abuse are:

Text bullying is a concern for many kids and their parents. Learn to monitor electronic devices your kids use and facts about internet safety.

  • Monitoring the call history: The monitoring application records details of all incoming and outgoing calls. The time and duration along with the numbers are also recorded. By reviewing the call log, the parent can know the child’s contacts, whether they are good or bad.
  • Call recording: most of the monitoring applications have the call recording facility whereby you can actually listen to the conversation. Even if the child is scared to report the abuse, it is easy to track the caller and nail him with proof of the conversation.
  • Internet History: A record of all the websites visited by the child can be known. The entire web history is recorded even if the child erases the history on the mobile. It is thus possible to know if the child has viewed any inappropriate material.
  • Record of chats and IM messages: With the help of the monitoring spyware, you can view the full contents of the chat windows and SMS messages. By keeping a tab on chats, it is easy to monitor contacts with strangers who may turn out to be pedophiles.
  • E mail log: A detail of every email that has been sent or received through the target mobile phone is recorded, despite the child deleting the messages. You can monitor the child and his contact by reviewing the mail contents.
  • GPS tracking: With this device, it is easy to locate your child. In the unfortunate event of kidnapping or the child getting lost, the GPS device will come to the rescue.
  • Video and Picture log: A parent can view all the photos and videos on the child’s phone. There may be instances when the child may be blackmailed through pornographic content like nude photos or bathroom videos. The abuser would demand undue favors from the child by threatening to expose them on the web. Any child would be scared to report such abuse and give in to the demands. Installation of the software protects the child by exposing such criminals.

This is a guest post from my friend and colleague Sharon Stouffer.  She shares my concerns about finding help for children who are being cyber-bullied.   Her contact information is below.  Please be sure to claim your free report on resources for parents and teachers.  You will find it at

Sharon Stouffer is passionate about Mobile Technology and Applications. Please visit her website about Cell Phone Spy software to follow her updates.

Cyber bullying: is your child getting victimized?

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Is my child being a victim of cyberbullying?

You can be mistaken more than often in judging the security of your child within the comfort of the home. When engaging technology in almost every aspect of life, you inevitably increase vulnerability. The internet has brought a plethora of resources with its inevitable side effects. One such side effect, which seems tempting for many people, is cyber bullying. Although there may be no physical injury involved, the inherent emotional setback can upset your child and adversely affect the personality.

You will want to check out this remarkable "77 Ways to Parent Series" at

The urbane art of bullying

In cyber bullying, the abuser uses new technology like the internet or mobile phones, making things more challenging for the victim to trace the abuser. Research points out that cyber bullying can be used as an additional tool by the abuser besides the traditional ones. The multiplicity, unpredictability and complexity of cyber bullying can magnify the effect of the harassment or embarrassment for the victim. You (and your child) may not be prepared to face such a hostile sequence of events.

Victimization can be direct and indirect. Recognizing cyber bullying can be difficult due to its covert characteristic. Children who are being victimized can reveal sadness, depression, low self-esteem, reduced academic performance, aggression and difficulty in peer relations.

Substance abuse can also be observed. You need to be watchful of any of the warning signals, and co-relate events to deduce a logical conclusion. This happens more challenging if your child goes in hibernation or is unwilling to share his/her concern. If you observe any obvious change in your child’s behavior, consider it an indicator that he/she requires external help.

If there is reluctance to socializing, escaping school or recreational activities, abrupt mood swings, he/she is probably being the target of cyber bullying; your interruption is desired in controlling the situation from worsening.

Considerations to assist handling cyber bullying

With the rising involvement of technology, it would be impractical to advise your child keep away from the activities going around. You cannot restrict opportunities to keep the bullies away from your child. It is important to realize that learning is integral to the growth of children. As adults, parents can better recognize the vulnerability of their children. This enables maneuvering and customizing tools favorably.

Educate your child to use the tool (internet or mobile) favorably to resolve the problem considerably.

The more thorough and well equipped your child is, the better he/she can handle cyber bullies (sometimes, even without your support!). Changing mobile numbers and usernames can help to some extent. If the site facilitates, block the bully to make your child inaccessible. The bullying incident can be reported to the website manager for appropriate action. Avoid responding to messages or e-mails of the bully.

Gain confidence of your child to enable him/her share an unfavorable incident with you. You may not be able to assist your child unless you are aware of the situation. Listen calmly to the story and ask for your child’s reaction. Ask for the child’s opinion and suggest practical solutions. Follow up, as the bully may revert to bring more damage along with.

Sometimes, cyber bullying leaves your child with low self-esteem and self-confidence. Alleviate his/her sense of individual power; you can involve him/her in some decision-making at home. Divert focus by creating enjoyable and favorable opportunities.

Technology may be a necessary evil. By using it the right way, you devise solution(s) to resolve the difficulty. It is better to take command before a thing becomes overwhelming. Behaving alert and pro-active can keep your child from being a victim. On facing an unfavorable situation, use judgment instead of impulse.

About the author: Alia Haley is a blogger who takes an utmost care while choosing her stuff as she prefers to own only green accessories. These days she is busy in writing an article on yacht world  and In vitro fertilization.

Even the New York Times is talking about it!

Thursday, July 1st, 2010

A friend recently sent me a link to a New York Times Blog Post, “When Your Child Is the Cyberbully”, by Tara Parker-Pope.

The article takes a unique look at the opposite side of the parenting struggle, that of the parent of the bully. The reader wrote in to ask what to do, and how to handle their child. Parents have a natural ability to comfort the victim, but often find it hard to discipline their own. A very important point the article makes is that forcing the child to apologize right away is not in good form. For an apology to mean something, it needs to come from the heart and not just because a parent is forcing it. For information about using discipline to raise a child check out my other website:

Read the full Article Here.

Bully Targets – Victims of Bullying

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Thank you for joining this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.

As a victim, you are surrendering your power over to others so that they drive the events of your life. I just read this statement in a Twitter post about confidence.  It really struck me how much power a bully takes or is given by those who are targeted.

Bullying is About Power

When choosing a victim, bullies typically target children who have few or no friends.  If a child has at least one significant friend in school,

If your child has at least one significant friend, he will be less likely to be bullied and can more easily cope with effects of bullying should it occur.

he or she is less likely to be bullied and is usually better equipped to find solutions.

In doing research for my book The Left Out Child- The Importance of Friendship I was struck by how isolated some children are in the playground politics.  Often, it takes very little to help the child learn social skills that will draw others to him/her as friends.  Simply learning how to invite a person to play or ask to join a group game already in progress.

When adults can help strengthen the victims of bullying and teach positive ways to interact with others, both the target and the bully will benefit.  As will all of society.

Teach Assertiveness Skills

If a victim has been repeatedly bullied, they may find it very difficult to stand up to the bully and will try to avoid a confrontation at all costs.  One reason is that the bully is very good in reading body language and non-verbal clues and has learned to look for vulnerabilities in others.  If there is intervention early in the conflict, the victim may be able to shift the power and no longer be dominated.

If a potential victim or target maintains his/her composure, stands firm and consistently continues to speak in a calm voice with conviction, the bully will go elsewhere. Allow the teasing, taunting and insults to flow off your back.  Do not take them personally.

Assertive means standing firm.  It is not easy to gain this skill and may need to be practiced at home.  Have some words and body language ready when a bully tells you that you are ugly, stupid, gay or any of the other thousands of slams that bullies use on victims. Stand straight up and look the bully in the eye and don’t let him/or her see that what they have said has upset you.

Recognize that it is the bully who has the problem, not you.  He/she is looking for someone he can make feel smaller so that he/she can feel more powerful.  Don’t give them the satisfaction.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

PS: If your child is very shy, you will benefit from claiming a free ebook at

Bullies in School, Neighborhood and Work Place

Friday, June 4th, 2010

Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.

Bullying can inflict physical and emotional harm to the victims or targets who did nothing to deserve the demeaning behavior. Bullying by direct or indirect methods can bring social embarrassment, humiliation and social isolation.

Being a Target of a Bully

Being a victim or target of a playground, workplace or neighborhood bully can have harmful consequences which can impact people seriously for the the rest of their lives. Knowing that they may be attacked or singled out for harassment, many victims become isolated and preoccupied with the task of avoiding situations where they will be open to the bully.

There are two types of targets that bullies look for:

  1. Passive victims.  Passive victims tend to be either physically weaker, equipped with fewer social skills and have less of a support group.  This group tends to be more anxious and turned inward, both mentally and with body language. Bullies tend to justify picking on the passive victim because they feel they will not be caught and that “They deserved it because they were trying to hide.”  An example of this in the workplace could be a manager  stealing the work of a co-worker and putting his/her name on it. Thus taking credit knowing that they will get away with it because of the unequal division of power.
  2. Provocative victims. These are the people who are in the spotlight and the bully wants to “Take them down a peg or two.” Provocative targets may be those who have poor social skills and impulse control and so tend to irritate or annoy others with their behaviors.  Bullies tend to find pleasure in provoking situations which will cast the target in a bad light. An example of this is a neighbor who starts rumors about a home owner who has the biggest display of lawn ornaments.

Bullying is About Power

In a conflict, both sides have equal power to resolve the problem.  Bullying is an intentional, one-sided use of power and mean spirit to control another.   If you or a friend feels that you are the target or victim of either a person or group, then please do not feel ashamed or that you did anything to bring on that kind of trauma.  Bullies are bullies, whether they are on school grounds, work places or in our neighborhoods.  They are looking for victims.  If you were not there, they would find someone else.

The bully is the problem not you.  It is not your fault.

Empower yourself and others.  I have confidence in you.

Wishing you a life filled with kindness and respect,

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

2400 West Central, Missoula, MT 59801  USA

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