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Posts Tagged ‘types of bullying’

Beating The Bullies-Draw The Line On Bullying

Tuesday, October 22nd, 2019

Are you afraid your child is being picked on by a bully in school? Do you know how to talk to your kids about bullying and methods for beating the bullies at their own game? How do you draw the line on bullying?  How do you and your child succeed at beating the bullies? Is bullying that bad?  YES.

Left unchecked, bullying can be disastrous for children and their self-esteem.  Some of the long term effects of bullying may lead to depression or make it hard to form lasting trusting relationships.

Bullies Cannot Be Allowed To Harm Our Kids

But as a caring adult, what can you do that will not make the situation worse?  You may very well think that playground bullying is between the children and adults should not get involved.  However, left unchecked, bullying will only escalate and your child will be left feeling vulnerable and unsafe.

Granted I am older that most parents who are dealing with this issue.  But, even when our kids were younger, bullying wasn’t much talked about. If teachers or parents saw a blatant case of bullying, they stepped in and put a stop to it – often with a smack to the head or a threat of one. Even if the smack was not delivered, most kids were scared enough of the principal and teachers that the abuse stopped.

Many times the teachers would look the other way when someone had the courage to confront the bully and fight it out behind the school.  That may very well happen today, but it is not condoned. Times have changed. As a society, we don’t discipline in that manner any longer.

Teachers and administrators are so afraid of a law suit that they frequently jump in too soon.

cyberbullying, protect children from bullies, online bullies, facebook bully, help for kids who are bullied

New ideas to help you and your child beat the bullies. Check out http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com for more information. You will be glad you did.

 

New Way Of Responding To Bullies

Many schools practice some sort of “bullying control.”  I am familiar with Kelso’s Choice which is an excellent program for elementary schools.

One middle school I know, practices the concept of ‘the line.’ Individual students either operate above the line or below the line. Above–the-line behavior includes self-control and respect for others – especially respect for fellow students.

Below the line is the domain where the bully operates. Bullies don’t care so much about respecting others. Bullies choose to elevate them selves by putting others down. The bullies own lack of self-respect is most likely a root cause of their bullying behavior.

Let’s be clear, the bully is a leader who leads others below-the-line. The bully gains power when others follow. Without a following, the bully loses power.

Teach your children to pick up on what the bully says but to reply in a way that neutralizes the insult.  For example:

“You stink.”

“Yep, it is a new shampoo.  I think it smells great.”

Help them to understand they have a choice. Either choose to lead and live above the line or lead and live below the line.
Either choose to follow the leaders who operate above the line or follow the bullies who operate below the line.

Bullies Are Cowards

A great method for defussing bullying incidences is to ask the bully to “say it again.” Encourage your child to keep asking the bully to repeat the insult until it becomes less offensive. Since most bullies are cowards and lack the courage to repeat the insult and are more likely to tone it down.

Teach your kids to imagine themselves inside a protective bubble that bounces off bullies’ words.  If they practice visualizing this with you, they will be able to have some control in a potentially disempowering encounter.

Empower Your Child

 Make sure your children have chances to make friends and have successes away from where bullying takes place.  Try a drama group, sports club, band, or choir where the group provides a shared activity than can rebuild confidence eroded by bullies.

Share your comments and ideas at www.cyberbullyinghelp.com  You will also receive a two page list of resources to help beat the bully and draw the line on bullying.

Judy Helm Wright is an author, coach and parent educator.  Schedule a free consultation with her at http://www.judyhwright.com   You will be glad you did.

What Is Cyber Bullying & Helping The Bystander To Bullying

Friday, October 11th, 2019

What is Cyber Bullying?

According to Stopbullying.gov, cyber bullying is bullying that happens using the internet or electronic technology. Just like regular bullying, cyber bullying involves an aggressive act performed by a person that has (or that is perceived to have) more power toward a person that has (or that is perceived to have) less power. Bullying is repetitive and purposeful. It can include name calling, threats to cause harm and spreading rumors.

What Are Schools Doing to Prevent Bullying?

Nearly all schools take some measure to educate students about bullying and to prevent them from bullying their peers. Teachers talk about bullying in students’ health classes. Schools hold special programs and assemblies to educate students about the importance of not bullying. It all goes to enforce to students that bullying is wrong, hurtful and unacceptable. But if students know these things, why does it still happen?

Despite all the education that students receive about bullying, bullying still exists both at school and online. While anti-bullying measures demonstrate the school’s best intentions, The Total Bully Solution points out that too often school’s best efforts frequently don’t work. There are several reasons why people continue to bully when they know it is wrong. There are also several reasons why other students witnessing the bullying do not put a stop to it.

What is the Bystander Effect?

The bystander effect is what happens when people do not step in to help when they see another person being bullied or being placed in some type of danger. Named after the infamous stabbing of Kitty Genovese in 1964, the term “the bystander effect” refers to the tendency of people to not help in an emergency situation when other people are present.

According to social experiments done by Bibb Latané and John Darley, if one person witnesses an emergency situation where someone needs assistance, they are likely to help. They feel responsible for helping because they know if they do not help, no one else is around to do so.

 

Something strange happens when a group of people watch an emergency take place, however. Instead of rushing to help, people look at those around them to gauge their reactions. If no one else reacts, people rationalize not helping by saying that it is socially acceptable to not help or that someone else will help. They do not feel so responsible.

How Does the Bystander Effect Affect People who Witness Cyber Bullying?

People who witness cyber bullying online know that they are not the only people to see it. They feel removed from the situation and they figure that because so many people see the bullying taking place, they are not personally responsible for doing something to stop it. As a result, cyber bullies are able to continually harass their victims with no repercussions because no one intervenes. While it would be helpful if internet service providers were able to monitor online bullying, the best bully prevention techniques start at home.

How Can People Overcome the Bystander Effect?

The best way to overcome the bystander effect is to educate people about it. If people realize that they are in a large group of people who are not likely to help, they will be motivated to be the person that does help.

Sources:

http://emergingcenter.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/bullying-and-the-bystander-effect/
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bystander-effect

Nikki Longo is a writer based off the east coast. When she’s not writing at the desk that overlooks the beautiful tree in her backyard she can be found playing with her dogs or cooking up a new recipe. Feel free to reach out to her at nikkiblogsallday@gmail.com

How To Protect Your Child From Cyber Bullying Using Mobile Monitoring Applications?

Monday, August 20th, 2012

How To Protect Your Child From Cyber Bullying Using Mobile Monitoring Applications?

Mobile usage is increasing day by day and it has become an indispensable device. The additional uses of a mobile phone as a camera, a music player, a laptop to access mails and internet has resulted in its widespread usage. Children too have not been spared from being bitten by the mobile phone bug. The benefits are far surpassed by the crimes associated with children using mobile phones.

Cyber bullying is rampant in the cyber world.

Children unknowingly fall victims to such abuse through visiting prohibited sites and social networking sites. There have been many instances where children were lured through answering missed calls from unknown numbers and subjected to sexual harassment.

Hence, it is important for parents to protect their children from becoming victims of cyber abuse. This can be achieved by installing mobile monitoring applications like Mobile Spy on your child’s phone.

Software easy to install to protect your child

It is very easy to install such software on your child’s phone. Once installed, the data from the mobile phone is uploaded to your user account, which is created at the time of purchasing the monitoring application. All activities of the phone can then be viewed remotely through the user account. Some of the monitoring application features that help to protect your child from cyber abuse are:

Text bullying is a concern for many kids and their parents. Learn to monitor electronic devices your kids use and facts about internet safety.

  • Monitoring the call history: The monitoring application records details of all incoming and outgoing calls. The time and duration along with the numbers are also recorded. By reviewing the call log, the parent can know the child’s contacts, whether they are good or bad.
  • Call recording: most of the monitoring applications have the call recording facility whereby you can actually listen to the conversation. Even if the child is scared to report the abuse, it is easy to track the caller and nail him with proof of the conversation.
  • Internet History: A record of all the websites visited by the child can be known. The entire web history is recorded even if the child erases the history on the mobile. It is thus possible to know if the child has viewed any inappropriate material.
  • Record of chats and IM messages: With the help of the monitoring spyware, you can view the full contents of the chat windows and SMS messages. By keeping a tab on chats, it is easy to monitor contacts with strangers who may turn out to be pedophiles.
  • E mail log: A detail of every email that has been sent or received through the target mobile phone is recorded, despite the child deleting the messages. You can monitor the child and his contact by reviewing the mail contents.
  • GPS tracking: With this device, it is easy to locate your child. In the unfortunate event of kidnapping or the child getting lost, the GPS device will come to the rescue.
  • Video and Picture log: A parent can view all the photos and videos on the child’s phone. There may be instances when the child may be blackmailed through pornographic content like nude photos or bathroom videos. The abuser would demand undue favors from the child by threatening to expose them on the web. Any child would be scared to report such abuse and give in to the demands. Installation of the software protects the child by exposing such criminals.

This is a guest post from my friend and colleague Sharon Stouffer.  She shares my concerns about finding help for children who are being cyber-bullied.   Her contact information is below.  Please be sure to claim your free report on resources for parents and teachers.  You will find it at CyberBullyingHelp.com

Sharon Stouffer is passionate about Mobile Technology and Applications. Please visit her website about Cell Phone Spy software to follow her updates.

The Effects Of Bullying On Communities

Friday, August 27th, 2010

The Effects Of Bullying On Communities

Many communities, schools, and neighborhoods are facing the effects of bullying. Gangs and groups having one type of culture harass and fear another.

While it may seem a personal matter, it’s not. Bullying rapidly becomes a problem throughout the whole community, school, neighborhood or organization even while it may seem that just a few people are involved.

There are ways to tell if your community is becoming a target or is feeling the effects of bullying.

Many cultures make for an interesting diversity in a community. When there are "turf wars" it errodes the whole community.

  • One group of individuals has priority over another
  • Selective information or selective invites to community events
  • No one wants to travel the streets or hallways by themselves

Fear of talking about the bullying situation. People would prefer to ignore what is going on or acknowledge that there is a problem.

Those in the group or out of the group are aware of their position within the group itself. When I was doing research for a book on children’s friendships, the kids know exactly who the popular kids, the controversial, the clowns etc are. Outsiders may not know, but those who are in the midst of the situation know the exact pecking order.

Fear Of The Unknown

Bullying comes in many forms but it usually involves fear of one type or another. This can be individual fear or group fear. Many fundamental churches fear the liberal segment of society and vice versa. Rather than communicate what each group has in common, it is easier to pull down or belittle those who do not think, look and act just like us.

Any type of subtle or overt bullying or harassment will not only affect one person or group but also steadily erode the confidence within the community.

Within a larger group you may find that one type of culture or one type of individual is not invited to share in community events, not informed of community events or is positioned on the outskirts of the event.

This is cultural bullying and will involve a whole cultural group of people. Personal or group bullying is similar but can cover differing cultures or peoples but still means one group is trying to show dominant power over another.

Exclusion or Inclusion

Exclusion of an individual can happen to anyone but it’s usually those who don’t conform or do not have a group of their own. We are much more alike than we are different.

While it’s devastating to the growth of community to not appreciate and celebrate diversity, to the individual it can actually be life threatening.

While we may not like or agree with all segments of our community, we do have an obligation to respect them and the choices they make.

Polarizing A Population

If one individual, group or segment of a community is pitted against another, there are no winners. When different “sides” or “points of view” separate rather than come together and agree to disagree, then we have an imbalance of power.

And that is a definition of bullying.

Please feel free to comment or share your thoughts.  This is one way we can get an open dialog going about the effects of bullying on communities. Check out http://cyberbullyinghelp.com/r/bullyingprevention

The Bystander Bully Is Traumatized Too

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

The Bystander Bully Is Traumatized Too

We have all seen it and discussed it at some point. Bullying is a harmful offense, often committed by someone who is dealing with insecurities in their own life. Both the bully and the bullied are hurt in this situation. However, many fail to notice one of the most important persons in a situation such as this: the bystander.

It seems that there is always a bystander, or likely more than one, when someone else is being sabotaged.

As a bystander or witness to a crime of bullying, you have an obligation to speak up and get help. If not , you as well as the bully and victim will suffer from the incident.

The bystander bully is the one person who could make a difference in this painful social triangle.

Transference of Trauma

Everyone recognizes that bullies and those who are bullied are suffering. Victims and targets who are traumatized are easy to pinpoint. However, those who are the bystanders are also suffering. As they stand by and watch, their conscience is smarting, and they will likely go home that day with guilty images and nightmares about a situation they knew was wrong, but did not know what to do about it.

The trauma that some experience after witnessing a bullying scene, especially children, is just as life altering as being the victim of the bully. These individuals need some instruction and guidance about how to stop bullies and to support those who have been traumatized.

Cowards or Courageous

Some would label bystanders as cowards, and they are in a way, but they are also simply scared that they are going to become the bullied by placing themselves on the line. Parents and teachers should step up and recognize the need for children to be educated about the effects of bullying and the power of the bystander.

In many cases, as one becomes brave enough to stand up to the bully, others will also take a stand and create a new social dynamic. Even the pat on the arm of someone who has been bullied to indicate that it was not their fault can change the episode to be less traumatic.

All Victims – Target, Bully and Witness

All three parties here need help. And perhaps one may feel safe because they are the friend of the bully, but someone who treats others with this type of disrespect are just as likely to turn on those they call their friends.

No one is exempt from harm; the bully, the victim and the witnesses to the crime.

The sooner a bystander can learn to take a stand over abuse, the sooner this situation can be brought to an end

Tender Mercies,

Judy Helm Wright

PS: If your child is having difficulty making friends, you will want to claim a free e-course on “likebilty” from http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com You will be glad you did.

Helplessness Of The Bystander Bully

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

The Helplessness Of The Bystander Bully

A bully is tearing through his latest victim. You’re scared, unsure of what to do. You see other people just like you standing around with stunned, fearful expressions written on their faces. Some of them begin to speak up but not in the way you would expect. Instead they are egging the violence on.

If you are witness to the violence of bullying and don't speak up or try to help the victim, you are called a bystander bully.

For whatever reason you simply watch while the violence continues.

You are officially a bystander bully. Psychologists and mainstream media are starting to study the effects of the learned helplessness of not speaking up.

Helpless or Hopeful

The bystander can have just as much affect on a situation as an active bully. These bullies often increase the amount of emotional and physical pain a victim is subjected to when they have an audience. Bullies want attention and are hoping they can show their superior power, but feel deflated when others speak up and call the bully out.

Bullies, targets and bystanders are damaged when the violence is not addressed and stopped.

Bullies who continue to tease, taunt and humiliate can harm more than just the victim being bullied, but frequently hurt themselves in the long run. The bully will continue to believe that it is okay to violate the rights of others.

Bystanders who take no action during a bullying incident is taking place often report higher levels of stress, fear, anxiety, and guilt, not only during the fight but symptoms show up for years later. These emotions can manifest themselves into headaches, cramps, and even ulcers. This is in addition to sleepless night and a great deal of other mental and stressful issues.

In addition, people (especially children) who do nothing during an attack are more likely to become bullies themselves.

Too Scared To Act

It is understandable why individuals may be too scared to call out the bully. Fear of having the spotlight moved from the victim to you stops many from speaking up.. When you step out into the rain it’s to be expected that you will get wet. When put into harms way you run the risk that you will become the next target. There is also the fear of embarrassment or being ostracized.

There Are Other Choices

There is great importance in remembering to explain to bystanders that you don’t have to put yourself in danger in order to stop a bully. Phone lines, anonymous tips, and unsigned sent notes are all good ways to call for an adult or supervisor. Appealing to other bystanders is a way to form a cohesive anti-movement against bullies. Rather than singling yourself out you appear as part of a disgruntled mob.

Being a bystander bully doesn’t have to be your only choice. Sometimes you can find yourself so chocked up with terror that you can’t move or speak. Still, there are ways to do so without singling yourself out. A bully is only as powerful as the people who refuse to speak up in his presence.

Be a voice and help someone. Don’t just be a bystander and spectator to bullying, but a witness to peace and respect for all.

Cyber-Bullying Gets Out of Control

Monday, August 2nd, 2010
Out of control is the only way to describe a recent case of cyber-bullying hitting the national news wires. Eleven year-old Jessie Slaughter (her screen name, not her real name) was recently hospitalized in a mental health facility after her case of cyber-bullying got out of control. Jessie had posted an explicit and profanity laden response to suggestions about her sexual history. Shortly after the video was posted she began receiving nasty e-mails, pranks, posts and even death threats.

Her father then added fuel to the already burgeoning fire when he posted a tirade on YouTube threaten those who were engaged in the battle against his daughter, offering them up to the authorities. The video also shows a sobbing Jessie in the foreground. This new post took the cyber-bullying to a whole new level bordering on the verge of cyber-stalking.
Recently when their story was featured on ABC’s Good Morning America experts offered up just a few of the actions we can take to prevent these incidents from happening to our children in the future. Parent need to learn how to respond properly to these kinds of acts, and teach their kids what to do if something like this is happening to them.
Children require a few basic rules in dealing with Cyber-bullies. Firstly, they need to stop what they are doing, and not respond to threatening e-mails or posts. By blocking the person or message it will stop any more nasty threats from coming from that person or e-mail address. They also need to tell a trusted adult what is happening.
One suggestion experts have for adults who are helping a child deal with cyber-bullies is to suggest the child put down the mouse and walk away from the computer. This few minutes of doing something  else will help them regain balance and perspective. Remember, to look at the situation and recognize the options.
This is not the time to respond in anger.
If the situation that happened with Jessie had happened in a schoolyard, and not on the internet it likely would not have blown up like it did. By posting these videos to the internet the victim lost her privacy, (the video had more than a million hits), while the bullies were able to remain anonymous.
A few simple ways to prevent these kind of incidents from happen with your children include: setting up a net nanny on your computer to be able to monitor your child’s internet activities. Also, be sure to supervise your children when they are on the internet and if you can not monitor them consistently, be sure to check their internet history. Lastly, be sure to report threatening posts to the internet site where they are posted as well as to law enforcement.

Bullying Is Imbalance of Power

Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

Bullying can best be defined as an imbalance of power. The struggle for power usually takes place over a period of time, but can easily escalate into violence and serious harm to both bully and victim.

There may be just one victim, or target, and one bully.  However, as the struggle ramps up, there are usually others involved as “gang or group” members who have chosen sides or innocent bystanders.

Whenever there is an imbalance of power or strength that is either real or percieved there is a potential for the greater power to intentionally threaten or harm the weaker one.

Tough Boys and Mean Girls

There have always been tough boys and mean girls who have enjoyed teasing, taunting and making life miserable for other kids.

Bullying harassment is hard on victim and bully. Empower kids to be kind.

They enjoy showing and demonstrating their dominance over others.  It is often seen in the playground pecking order, of who gets to be the leader and who is chosen for games last .

We used to think bullying could begin at any age but, typically it begins to escalate around the third grade, peaking by about eighth grade and tapering off in high school. We are now finding bullying often starts earlier and lasts much longer.

But now, with more electronic media readily available through the use of cell phones and the internet, bullying has become more dangerous, more devious and often more difficult to detect.

The combination of cyberspace and bullies can be a dangerous combination. The escalation of cyber-bullying can range from mild teasing to death threats.

Cyber-bullying may carry cruelty to new extremes. Bullies are now using electronic media to taunt, tease, and torture others. Blasting is a phrase that has been used to describe a “blast” of private information posted online and passed around to a large group of followers of the site.

Home as a Safety Haven

Children used to come home to escape the abuse of bullies, but with internet and cell phones readily available bullies can take advantage of their prey anywhere, anytime. Text messages, posts to social media sites and instant messaging services can leave a child vulnerable to being victimized 24 hours a day.

In recent years a number of suicides have been report as a result cyber-bullying. The targets or victims of bullying abuse may have been feeling they had no place to turn for help. That suicide was the only way to escape their pain. Many media reports have called this “bullyside.”

Respect for All

Courtesy toward others and respect for everyone is the foundation of a healthy life and a goal to strive for. Our ultimate goal as parents is to teach our children to be good family members, friends, and neighbors, members of the community, the nation and world.

You will want to claim your free report about internet safety today and begin to understand what is happening in your child’s world. Dealing with bullies is never an easy subject to discuss, but  in this new cyberspace, the effects of bullying are life and death.

Be sure to claim your free report on “Is Your Kid Being Bullied?” by putting your name and email address in the box on the side of the screen.  Thank you for belonging to this community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.