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Posts Tagged ‘parents’

Texting on Cell Phones Main Line of Communication For Teens

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

Texting and Instant Messaging Can Hurt Children

Schools deal with the issue of harassment through text messaging and online instant messaging every day.

Cell phones and texting is the primary form of communication with teens. Families need to learn about internet safety and cyberbullying online.

But, many adults do not realize just how often children are being bullied online or through texting.

Often too afraid to tell their parents, children try to deal the problem of cyberbullying themselves. They often only getting their parents involved when the situation gets out of control and the child is helpless to do anything about it alone.

Texting is Main Source of Communication

Teachers and parents agree that texting-whether the act of sending one or the anticipation of receiving one- distracts tweens and teens.  Most schools prohibit cell phones in the classrooms, but teens are very adept at getting around the system.

A 2008 Harris Interactive study found that nearly half of kids-42% could text even when blindfolded.

Tactics of the Cyberbully

Bullying, threats and intimidation, harassment and causing embarrassment of another are all tactics of today’s cyber bully.

This growing problem uses interactive technology such as cell phones, chat rooms and online instant messaging in an effort to harass, embarrass or otherwise victimize another person.

The motivation of the cyberbully is widely varied. Often schools are powerless to help as much of the bullying takes place off school grounds.

Why do Children Become Cyberbullies

The reasons children cyberbully each other are many. Sometimes children are holding a grudge against their victim, or want to emotionally hurt another. Sometimes they act out of boredom as a child seeks a new form of entertainment. Sometimes kids fight back against being bullied by becoming bullies themselves.

How to Combat Cyberbullying

At this juncture law enforcement around much of the world is ill equipped to deal with cases of cyber harassment. Right now most laws only apply to cyber threats such as hacking or death threats.

Often the only recourse for cyber harassment victims is to report the problem to their Internet Service Provider. In most cases cyberbullying is only considered a breach of the terms and conditions of the ISP and the only recourse is to suspend or cut off the bully’s internet access.

This usually only stops the bullying for a short time while the cyberbully sets up a new account, or finds access elsewhere.

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • What would I do if I found my child was being victimized by a cyber bully?
  • Do I know the signs that my child may be being harassed by a cyber bully?
  • Could I tell if my child might be bullying someone else online? How would I deal with it?

Bully Advocate

  • We empower the bully to gain empathy and learn new ways of communication
  • We empower the bystander to get involved and diffuse the confrontation
  • We empower the victim to be courageous and set boundaries
  • We empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy

Follow us on FaceBook at Judy Helm Wright or on http://www.Twitter.com/bullyadvocate

You will be glad you did.

Boston Herald Story on Bullying

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

This is an interesting story in the Boston Herald.  What do you think?  Leave a comment here for us.

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1295306&srvc=rss

Judy Helm Wright, of Missoula, Montana has become “The Bully Advocate.” As an author, keynote speaker and family educator, she has seen the damage done when bullying occurs.

Her blog http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com is filled with information and a free report for parents and teachers.  The goal of the blog is to:

  1. Empower the bully to gain empathy and gain new ways of communication
  2. Empower the victim or target to gain assertiveness skills and how to set boundaries.
  3. Empower the bystander or witness to speak up or find help.
  4. Empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy.

Rules for Respect-Boundaries of Behavior

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

Rules for Respect-Boundaries of Behavior

© Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family and relationship coach

Do your kids think you have too many rules?  Do they push the limits and boundaries of respect? Do they think it is funny to pick on someone who is different than they are? Perhaps you have had similar conversations that started like these in order to teach respect for others.

“What’s the matter with that word, they say it all the time on television?”

“We were only teasing her, we didn’t mean it.”

Though children and young adults will get mixed or conflicting messages from the television, magazine and friends, they need you to set and enforce clear, respectful rules and limits. They need to know that you expect them to do and be their best.

By providing this guidance you will help them learn how to be responsible, contributing members of society.

Consistent boundaries within the family are pretty predictable;

Consistency in discipline is the number one factor in successful families: It is important that love, respect, cooperation and expectations are unconditional and not dependant on circumstances or behavior.

Here are some common boundaries your family may have;

  • The car will not start until the seat belt clicks.
  • Parents must always know the 4 Ws before they are allowed to leave with friends. WHO are the friends, WHERE are they going, WHAT are they doing, and WHEN will they be home.
  • We do not speak in derogatory ways about anyone.
  • A child can count on dinner being at six o’clock or there about.
  • Bedtime is 8:30 on school nights and homework is done before playtime.

Consistent boundaries and standards give a child and the whole family a feeling of security and safety. It is within this safe environment that self-discipline and life skills begin to flourish and develop.

Be Partners with Schools and Community Organizations

As a community, as well as a family, we need to give consistent messages to our children concerning dangerous, unacceptable and unkind behavior. When they understand hateful teasing or name calling is not acceptable it will be easier for them to forgo temptation to participate.

It is our responsibility as adults to help them learn and live by the basic rule that actions have consequences. By teaching and enforcing family, school and community rules, you teach respect and tolerance for all.

Thank you for doing a good job

You are doing the most important job in the world, raising self-disciplined, thoughtful and contributing children.  Thank you for your time and effort.  We will all be blessed by having members of society who work within a framework of acceptable behavior.

This article was written just for you by Judy H. Wright, author and international speaker on parenting and family issues. Feel free to share with friends and associates, but please include this resource and contact box.

Judy Helm Wright, of Missoula, Montana has become “The Bully Advocate.” As an author, keynote speaker and family educator, she has seen the damage done when bullying occurs. Her blog http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com is filled with information and a free report for parents and teachers. The goal of the blog is to: 1. Empower the bully to gain empathy and gain new ways of communication 2. Empower the victim or target to gain assertiveness skills and how to set boundaries. 3. Empower the bystander or witness to speak up or find help. 4. Empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy.

For a full listing of books, articles, tele-classes and workshops go to  http:// www.ArtichokePress.com You may also sign up there for FREE articles and Newsletters having to do with “finding the heart of the story in the journey of life” by clicking on   http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com You will be glad you did and so will we.

Sibling Rivalry- Family Fights

Sunday, June 20th, 2010

Sibling Rivalry –Family Fights

Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all,

“He hit me first.” “She started it.” “I’m Telling Mom.”  “Dad loves me best.” “It is not fair.” “My brother is a brat.”

Yikes! Parents want to scream “Stop the Fighting NOW.”

Siblings who learn to get along make for less family fights and more cooperation.

Family Conflicts

Whenever there are more than one kid in a house, there are bound to be some conflicts. If some of the kids are there only on the weekends or in the summer, there is bound to be even more conflicts and power struggles.

Brothers and sisters borrow things without permission. Step-child one has much more toys and possession than half-brothers and sisters.  Younger kids sometimes feel that the older kids are more favored and get to do whatever they want.

Older kids or teens may feel that the baby of the family gets away with murder and they had live much harder when they were his age.

Sibling Rivalry

Take two kids in competition for their parents’ love and attention and then add envy, frustration, resentment and anger and you have sibling rivalry.  Sibling is generally understood to be a blood sister or brother, but it has come to mean much more complex relationships with blended families.

Rivalry means competition. The young members of the household are in competition to see who can gain power or the upper hand.  A little competition is not a bad thing and can help children learn to navigate in the real world.

However, too much completion and struggle for dominance in the parent’s love and attention can make for an unhappy family life.

If this is a concern in your family, you will enjoy reading Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  They talk about how to help your children live together so you can live too.

Learn Life Skills

If one child is consistently picked on in the family, he or she may turn to bullying someone smaller in order to feel any sort of power. They may begin to believe and practice violence in order to win at all costs.

It is important to hold family councils and model good communication skills so the kids feel they can be heard and respected within the family. When parents put a high value on expressing feelings in a constructive, not destructive way, children will learn empathy for others.

In confidence,  Judy

PS: Be sure to check out http://www.ArtichokePress.com