Texting and Instant Messaging Can Hurt Children

Schools deal with the issue of harassment through text messaging and online instant messaging every day.

Cell phones and texting is the primary form of communication with teens. Families need to learn about internet safety and cyberbullying online.

But, many adults do not realize just how often children are being bullied online or through texting.

Often too afraid to tell their parents, children try to deal the problem of cyberbullying themselves. They often only getting their parents involved when the situation gets out of control and the child is helpless to do anything about it alone.

Texting is Main Source of Communication

Teachers and parents agree that texting-whether the act of sending one or the anticipation of receiving one- distracts tweens and teens.  Most schools prohibit cell phones in the classrooms, but teens are very adept at getting around the system.

A 2008 Harris Interactive study found that nearly half of kids-42% could text even when blindfolded.

Tactics of the Cyberbully

Bullying, threats and intimidation, harassment and causing embarrassment of another are all tactics of today’s cyber bully.

This growing problem uses interactive technology such as cell phones, chat rooms and online instant messaging in an effort to harass, embarrass or otherwise victimize another person.

The motivation of the cyberbully is widely varied. Often schools are powerless to help as much of the bullying takes place off school grounds.

Why do Children Become Cyberbullies

The reasons children cyberbully each other are many. Sometimes children are holding a grudge against their victim, or want to emotionally hurt another. Sometimes they act out of boredom as a child seeks a new form of entertainment. Sometimes kids fight back against being bullied by becoming bullies themselves.

How to Combat Cyberbullying

At this juncture law enforcement around much of the world is ill equipped to deal with cases of cyber harassment. Right now most laws only apply to cyber threats such as hacking or death threats.

Often the only recourse for cyber harassment victims is to report the problem to their Internet Service Provider. In most cases cyberbullying is only considered a breach of the terms and conditions of the ISP and the only recourse is to suspend or cut off the bully’s internet access.

This usually only stops the bullying for a short time while the cyberbully sets up a new account, or finds access elsewhere.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• What would I do if I found my child was being victimized by a cyber bully?

• Do I know the signs that my child may be being harassed by a cyber bully?

• Could I tell if my child might be bullying someone else online? How would I deal with it?

Bully Advocate

• We empower the bully to gain empathy and learn new ways of communication
• We empower the bystander to get involved and diffuse the confrontation
• We empower the victim to be courageous and set boundaries
• We empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy

Follow us on FaceBook at Judy Helm Wright or on http://www.Twitter.com/bullyadvocate

You will be glad you did.

Do you worry about how safe your child is while on the internet?  Are you freaked out by the stories in the news about cyberbullying and cyberstalking? Is it possible that sexual predators use the internet daily to troll for victims?

Parents Should Be Aware of Dangers Online

Using the Internet has become second nature to all of us.  According to Paul Bauer author of  101 Internet Safety Tips For Kids

The Internet is a great resource for homework, but can also be a dangerous place for children to be. Teach Internet Safety.

the Internet is also a minefield.  He sites the following statistics;

• 93% of all children between 12 and 17 years old use the Internet
• 16% of teens consider meeting someone they’ve only talked to online and never met before
• 8% actually meet someone they have never met before but meet online
• 32% of teens clear the browser history to hide what they do online from their parents
• 16% of teens have created private e-mail addresses or social networking profiles to hie what they do online from parents
• 63% say they know how to hide what they do online from parents
• 20% of teens have engaged in cyberbullying behaviors
• 42% of parents do not review the content of what their child reads and/or types in chat rooms or via Instant Messaging.
• 30% of parents allow their teenagers to use the computer in private areas such as bedrooms

Internet is Great Resource- But Be Careful

Mostly the Internet is useful and fun and definitely here to stay.  But I recommend  keeping the Internet access on a family computer in a communal area, like a living room, rather than in children’s bedrooms.  Kids might protest, but you are the parents.  It is much better to go through a pout session with a teen, than trying to track down a pervert who is stalking your child.

Commercially available software is available (check the resource page at www.cyberbullyinghelp.com ) that will filter and block access to sites featuring adult material.

Find out what sites your child goes to on a regular basis by asking and then checking.  You are the parent and the computer and cell phones are privileges.   Because many parents were not exposed to the cell phones and small personal computers as teens, they are not aware of the many dangers and benefits that are available online.  Make it your business to find out.

Cyberbullying is More Common Than Many Thought

Remind your kids to be selective about giving out email addresses and  change that email address if they are bullied online. Reassure them that you will be available for support, should they feel harassed.   The most influential education goes on between you and your child in daily conversations.  Build a bond of trust even when they act uninterested in sharing details of their lives with you.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. Do you know if your child has ever been uncomfortable with an online message?
2. Do you know what to do if your child is harassed on social media like Facebook or Myspace?
3. Are you talking about the dangers of the Internet the same way you talk about what to do if there were a fire in the house?
4. Do you keep computers in central place and monitor what is going on?
5. Are you sure your child would tell you if they were being bullied or cyberbullying someone else?

Wise Use of Cell Phones and Social Networking

As more advanced cellular software, texting and social networking has become ‘the thing to do’ for children and teens there has been a marked rise in the misuse of these services.

Examples of Cyberbullying

Adults Must Model and Teach Wise Use of Cell Phones

• Harassment…this is generally viewed as repetitive offensive messages sent to a target or victim.
• Outing.. sharing personal, often embarrassing information with others.  This is like gossip in real life, but much more hurtful because it can be posted so many more people see and comment on private information.
• Flaming…a brief, heated exchange in a public setting, such as chat rooms or discussion groups.
• Cyberstalking…this is the use of electronic communications which is repetitive harassing threats.

Cyberbullying Help

Parents need to discuss internet safety with their children ongoing.  Children need to understand that embarrassing others in person or online is not tolerated or acceptable behavior.

Kids can be very cruel. When they are not using body language or non-verbal communication, it is easy to get much more graphic and a lot more hurtful.

Young people can quickly type into a phone and instantly send their message out to everyone on their telephone contact list.

In a matter of seconds someone’s reputation can be ruined. That may only be part of the problem. There are cases where situations have gotten so bad that children have taken drastic measures such as lashing out at a bully, or even taking their frustration out on themselves.

Several suicides have been reported as a result of cyberbullying.

How Do You Stop Something Like This From Happening?

How do you keep your child from adding fuel to the fire and causing problems for other children?

One of the first things parents need to do is assess whether their child is mature enough to use a cell phone without supervision. Many cellular providers offer a service for parents reporting what has been texted and to whom. This can be a valuable tool for parents and caregivers.

Keep Lines of Communication Open With Kids

The best way to prevent your child from getting mixed up with this type of bullying is to talk to them. Explain the dangers that come with texting hurtful things.

What if your child is on the receiving end? You can encourage them to tell you, and in turn you need to be there from them as they work through it. If the situation gets bad enough you may even consider speaking with the authorities.

By carefully monitoring what our children do with their cell phones, we can prevent situations from escalating and getting out of hand.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Is my child mature enough to handle a cell phone which allows them access to text messaging?
• What would I do if I found out my child was sending harassing texts?
• What would I do if my child was on the receiving end of harassing texts?
• How will I monitor what my child is doing with his or her cell phone?

Teach and model good behavior online and with other people. Respect and kindness is the basis for healthy relationships and happy lives.  You can do it. I have confidence in you.

Judy Helm Wright, author and speaker on family relationship issues

http://www.ArtichokePress.com

Keeping Children Safe by being Internet Savvy

The face of the way we communicate has changed rapidly over the past 20 years. Bullying used to take place in schools and parks, but with the advent of new technologies bullying can happen anywhere.

Children used to take refuge from playground bullies at home, but with the internet readily available to many children, and more and more young people carrying cell phones instances of cyber-bullying are increasing at an alarming rate.

Chat rooms, Blogs, Facebook, My Space and other social media sites, e-mail, instant messengers,

Teens use cell phones and the internet to connect with each other. It is easy to use electronics to bully others.

and online gaming and text messaging are just a few ways children are being bullied. Often, as parents, we don’t even know when our children are being abused by others online.

Although it may be difficult to tell when a child is being subjected to the abusive behaviour of others unless they come to an adult for advice. One thing we can watch for is our children being upset after being on the internet or receiving text messages.

HOW TO HELP

• encourage your children to share offensive or abusive e-mails, posts, and texts with a trusted adult
• encourage them to use only moderated chat rooms that help curtail abusive behaviour
• teach them to no respond to abusive posts or e-mails
• help them learn to keep their passwords safe and be cautious about who they give their e-mail address or cell phone number to
• be sure to turn on child safety features installed on your computer
• teach them to think about how their actions may affect others, and to think twice before hitting send on any post or e-mail

Keep your child safe by teaching them not to give out personal information when online.

Make sure you children understand they should never arrange to meet someone you have only been in touch with online. This can be extremely dangerous. Online friends are still strangers.

One simple way to keep them safe is to encourage them to only accept e-mails, instant messages, or texts from people they know and trust.

Teach children that all information online may not always be reliable! There are many people out there who create fake “profiles” with only the intention of meeting and abusing others. In almost all cases its best to only chat online with real world friends and family.

Make sure your children know that if they are uncomfortable, or are being bullied they can come to you or another trusted adult for help. Keeping our children safe online and teaching them how to use a technology as a tool for healthy entertainment, information and communication will help them become a prudent, happy, healthy productive members of society.

Information for this article comes from Childnet International and KidSMART.org.uk