Assertiveness-Getting What You Want

In the world today we are faced with many choices. We are all built with the instinct for fight or flight when faced with confrontation.

Recently I ran into a situation where I was faced with a rude, nasty response to a birthday greeting I had sent to an acquaintance through Facebook. I hadn’t realized the link to the free ebook I normally send to my Facebook friends on their birthday had been changed. The gentleman in question reacted by sending me a snarly note back chiding me for sending him marketing material in his birthday greeting.

My initial reaction was to fight back. I knew I had three options in my reaction to his note. I chose to be assertive and apologized for the error, explaining to him that it was unintentional.

Subsequently he wrote back with another extremely aggressive, rude note. I considered again how to respond. I decided this was the time to act in a more passive way. I did not respond because I knew this argument could go on and one, getting both of us nowhere and causing hurt feelings.

After some contemplation I decided to take a more assertive actions, I removed him as a friend on my Facebook account.

Confident people know how and when to be assertive. They respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.

By taking this action I defined that I have boundaries and would rather work with people who are pleasant to work with.

I have found that when we set our boundaries, and make clear what we need, and what we find acceptable, then people are usually more willing to give it to us.

One of the ways we can become a more assertive person is by taking responsibility for our own choices and actions.

The four major components of being an assertive person are:

1. clearly representing what we are thinking and feeling, both verbally and using body language.
2. Having no apology for the way we feel.
3. By refusing to manipulate others with false guilt.
4. By never sacrificing others , we respect other people and they respect us in return.

Assertiveness is clearly stating what you want and what you need as a means to an end. Being assertive does not mean you need to be pushy. You have the right to be human and take full responsibility for your actions. You even have the right to be wrong sometimes. You have the right to tell others what you are thinking and feeling- and you have the right to change your mind. You also have the right to express yourself without intimidation and you have the right to not accept responsibility for other peoples actions.

Being assertive means owing a situation. The only person you have the ability to change is ourselves.

The heart of being assertive is confidence.

For more information visit www.confidenceclues.com

You will want to learn how to set boundaries in your relationships with others. Being clear about boundaries helps you to never bully others or allow others to bully you.

Hello from Montana:

Children need parents to be in charge.  They need to know what the rules are and how to set boundaries. The family needs to decide what the values and standards they will use to make decisions. They need to feel safe and secure in their home environment. Remember that children are easily frightened by many thing, including bullies at school, new experiences, family situations, even the shows they watch on television.  The world is a scary place for them, especially if no one is in charge and on their side.  They need to feel like someone is on their  home team and will help them find solutions to problems.

Scary and Ever Changing World Out There

Imagine that you, as an adult, have never left your neighborhood and extended family circle.  Then suddenly you are sent to Russia or China with very little instructions and guidance on what to expect and what to do.  What if you had no idea what was accepted and what was inappropriate behavior or what other people were used to doing each day.

It is a scary and ever changing world out there and our children must be given guidance and boundaries in order to navigate the system.  the word discipline is derived from the word Disciple, which means teacher, leader and guide. Children need someone to show them the ropes, and warm them of the dangers and teach them how to problem solve.

Parents Are Tired, So Turn On Television

Parents, especially those who work outside the home and are faced with a dwindling job market are exhausted at the end of day. It is important that all family members work together. They have little time or energy for quality connections and conversations with children about their feelings and emotions.  Children may start to look to “the third parent” or television for companionship and relief from the cares of the day.

Television, video games and the computer often give a one dimensional view of life.  Children may feel that violence is normal, that it is okay to speak with disrespect to others and that their parents don’t care.  They don’t want to be in control, they want adults to be in charge.

Mom and Dad Must Be The Boss

For the welfare of the children and society, parents must be in charge.  Children who are in control at home are miserable at home and at school, and they make everyone else equally unhappy. Parents must make the time and effort to teach children how to behave, how to relate to others and what values the family holds dear.

The goal of parenting is to protect and nurture until the children become self-sufficient members of society and the community.  However, the overriding goal is to teach and guide children how to live full, productive, happy futures and to build strong relationships with others. It is a huge undertaking and a life-long commitment.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker

PS: Claim your free 30 page report today on having kids pitch in with the family chores.  You will find it at http://www.kidschoresandmore.com

You will be glad you did.