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Posts Tagged ‘Dr. Phil’

Speak Up Against Gay Bashing Teens

Monday, November 1st, 2010

Have you smiled and walked away when someone told a joke about “fags?”  Were you aware that the number one insult between teenage boys has to do with sexual orientation? When you read the news of young teens killing themselves, do you not think it has anything to do with you? When you see celebrities like Larry King, Ellen Degeneres, Anderson Cooper, Nate Berkus and Dr. Phil speaking out against bullying, do you feel a little more empowered to step up and speak out against gay bashing teens?
Why Kids Bully Gays

Kids tend to dislike or distrust anything that is different than them.  Diversity may be a goal, but the underlying emotion of the adolescent is to fit in at any costs.

Being bullied for looking or acting different can lead to teen depression. Boys tend to bully gay teens with hurtful insults.

Teens like Raymond Chase in Rhode Island, Tyler Cementi in New Jersey, Seth Walsh in California, Billy Lucas in Indiana and Asher Brown in Texas were all victims of anti-gay bullying and cyberbullying.

These teens were bullied and taunted because they didn’t fit in. Sometimes, kids are bullied because someone believes they are not heterosexual. They usually don’t fit the stereotypes of easily identifiable masculine and feminine.  Many of the kids are simply under developed physically and are already questioning their sexual hormones.

Gay Teens Are Bullied Often

If a teen is brave enough to speak up and come out as homosexual or different, then they really are targeted and bullied. It is a tough decision for an adolescent to make.

A 2005 Harris poll found 90 percent of gay and lesbian teens say they’ve been bullied in the past year.  Nearly two-thirds of these students feel unsafe in school according to the  2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.

Peer to peer sexual bullying is one of the most widespread forms of violence in the schools today. When kids don’t feel safe, they are hardly in a position  or mindset to learn but rather just want to protect themselves or as one teen told me “to disappear.”

Verbal Sexual Bullying

Verbal sexual bullying is the most common form of bullying but differs for genders. The words used to bully boys are derogatory terms defining them as “less manly-more like a girly girl.”  They also tend to use homophobic terms that refer to sexual orientation or direction.

Girls, however, tend to go after insults that damage self image.  So “Fat Slut” or “Ugly Ho” are common insults.  Many girls also receive and give threats to sexually violate the victim.  It seems to be particularly hurtful when other girls damage the reputation of each other by spreading lies, rumors or gossip about sexual activity or orientation.

Speak Up Against Bullying

We are all bullies when we condone the bullying behavior of our children, friends or neighborhood kids.  It is amazing how effective it is when an adult speaks up and says “Hey, that is not funny” or “That is unacceptable language and no one wants or deserves to hear it.”

Quiz About Your Feeling On This Issue

  1. Will you be brave enough to speak up when you hear teens speaking disrespectfully to each other?
  2. Have you ever laughed at a joke about someone being gay?
  3. Do you think it is possible to stop teen bullying?
  4. What can you do to empower some one who has been bullied for being gay?

Be sure to claim your free report in the box on the right of the page.  You will be glad you did.  I have confidence in you and your ability to help build a world of respect, kindness and tolerance for all.

Ellen, Drew, Cooper and Dr. Phil Speak Out Against Bullies

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Celebrity figures are speaking up about the high cost of bullying. Adding to the voices of those who have been bullied or had loved ones take their lives over bullying, many famous names are now taking a stand against bullies and those who deliberately humilate others.

In a plea during an appearance on the Ellen Degneres show recently NFL Football great Drew Brees had this to say:

“If you think that making fun of someone is harmless, you are wrong. If you think its OK to do because everyone else is doing it you’re wrong. Bullying has to stop, and it has to start with you. I want my fans to know that if you’re making fun of someone because they are different, then you are no friend of mine. If you are being bullied I want you to know that there is support. I support you. Making fun of someone because they are different from you, that’s not being tough. Its being ignorant. Appreciating people for how they are different from you, that’s what it takes to be a friend.”

Brees isn’t the only one concerned about bullying. The topic has been in the forefront of the media recently with the high profile suicides of four young people whose deaths were the result of constant bullying.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper has always been on the forefront of this subject, reporting on the issue regularly and trying to make a difference.

In a recent appearance on the Ellen Degeneres show Copper suggested that he doesn’t recall being bullied himself, but he does remember standing by and watching others be bullied. He said as a bystander he remembers having a sense of relief that he wasn’t the person being picked on.

Cooper said the bystanders need to intervene and stand up against a bully to help break the cycle. It is not easy to empower children

Working together we can build a world of mutual respect and kindness for all.

unless we can model and teach the skills.

We all know that growing up, particularly during the teen years is difficult for everyone. Parents need to understand that today’s teens have a much different experience than they had.

For more information on bullying and the effect it can have on individuals, families, schools and communities, please check out

You will be able to claim a free report for parents and teachers on what to look for if your child has been bullied or is a bully. You will also find techniques to use to build up the assertiveness skills and self esteem of children and teens.

Bully, Bullied and Bystander

Friday, October 8th, 2010

Hello from Montana,

Thanks for visiting this blog and joining a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Dr. Phil McGraw is also part of this community against cyberbullying.

My goal as a “BullyAdvocate” is to:

  • Empower the bully to gain empathy and other ways of communication
  • Empower the victim or target to gain skills in assertiveness and setting boundaries
  • Empower the bystander to speak up and let others know that cruel behavior is not cool

According to National Association of School Psychologists, about one in seven schoolchildren has either been a bully or the target of a bully.

What If Your Child Is The Bully

Bullies come in all sizes, shapes and temperaments.  They may come for a dysfunctional home, but may also come from a great home with parents who care deeply and are mystified as to why their child would deliberately hurt or abuse someone else.

It may be teasing that got out of hand. It might be revenge. It might be part of “group think” or power of peer pressure.  It may be behavior that mimics what was seen in a movie or television show.  It can also be that the personality is manipulative and self-centered.

No matter why or how your child tries to dominate others, it is important to teach empathy and kindness.  Helping a child who has been bullying others for power or attention, may

As many bullies as there are in the world, the one common denominator is a desire for power. They want to win at all costs.

If your child
What To Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied

The first thing to do is remain calm and remember you are the adult, not the child you were when you were being bullied in the third grade. Listen to your child’s story and reinforce that you want to help him/her solve the problem and what would they prefer you do to help.  It is important to let them know it is not their fault and that there are mean people in the world who deliberately hurt others with words or actions.

If your child needs social skill training, help them role play some responses to the bully.  Teach them about being assertive and give them some words to say that will deflect the bullies anger or hurtful conduct. You will find some great exercises and techniques  in my book and classes at

Children who are different in some way or have behaviors that annoy or amuse their school mates still have a right to be treated with respect and kindness. But, as parents, we may need to coach our children in ways to increase “likeabilty.”

Bullied kids feel helpless and hopeless. This can lead to depression.

What if Your Child Witnesses Violence?

Remember to empower young  people by reminding them they are strong and capable and that you have confidence in them. Help them to see that they have a voice and a choice not only in their actions but in their reactions.

If they have witnessed bullying but did not speak up, they will be traumatized and feel they have betrayed their value system.  Help them to understand the power of the word.  A single word of kindness  or a pat on the arm can make the difference in not only how the victim feels but how they feel about the situation.

Practice with them as they speak in a polite assertive voice “Hey cut it out.” Or,  “Please stop. No one deserves to be treated that way.”

There are no winners in a bullying situation. The bully, the bullied and the bystander all suffer in some way.

By teaching respect and kindness for all, we can build a better world.  For more information, please see and leave a comment or claim your free report on bullying.

You can do it. I have confidence in you.

Judy Helm Wright