The Helplessness Of The Bystander Bully

A bully is tearing through his latest victim. You’re scared, unsure of what to do. You see other people just like you standing around with stunned, fearful expressions written on their faces. Some of them begin to speak up but not in the way you would expect. Instead they are egging the violence on.

If you are witness to the violence of bullying and don't speak up or try to help the victim, you are called a bystander bully.

For whatever reason you simply watch while the violence continues.

You are officially a bystander bully. Psychologists and mainstream media are starting to study the effects of the learned helplessness of not speaking up.

Helpless or Hopeful

The bystander can have just as much affect on a situation as an active bully. These bullies often increase the amount of emotional and physical pain a victim is subjected to when they have an audience. Bullies want attention and are hoping they can show their superior power, but feel deflated when others speak up and call the bully out.

Bullies, targets and bystanders are damaged when the violence is not addressed and stopped.

Bullies who continue to tease, taunt and humiliate can harm more than just the victim being bullied, but frequently hurt themselves in the long run. The bully will continue to believe that it is okay to violate the rights of others.

Bystanders who take no action during a bullying incident is taking place often report higher levels of stress, fear, anxiety, and guilt, not only during the fight but symptoms show up for years later. These emotions can manifest themselves into headaches, cramps, and even ulcers. This is in addition to sleepless night and a great deal of other mental and stressful issues.

In addition, people (especially children) who do nothing during an attack are more likely to become bullies themselves.

Too Scared To Act

It is understandable why individuals may be too scared to call out the bully. Fear of having the spotlight moved from the victim to you stops many from speaking up.. When you step out into the rain it’s to be expected that you will get wet. When put into harms way you run the risk that you will become the next target. There is also the fear of embarrassment or being ostracized.

There Are Other Choices

There is great importance in remembering to explain to bystanders that you don’t have to put yourself in danger in order to stop a bully. Phone lines, anonymous tips, and unsigned sent notes are all good ways to call for an adult or supervisor. Appealing to other bystanders is a way to form a cohesive anti-movement against bullies. Rather than singling yourself out you appear as part of a disgruntled mob.

Being a bystander bully doesn’t have to be your only choice. Sometimes you can find yourself so chocked up with terror that you can’t move or speak. Still, there are ways to do so without singling yourself out. A bully is only as powerful as the people who refuse to speak up in his presence.

Be a voice and help someone. Don’t just be a bystander and spectator to bullying, but a witness to peace and respect for all.

Victims, Bullies and Bystanders Are Harmed By Violence In Schools

Studies have shown that if those who tend to belittle or pick on others are taught basic communication skills and conflict management when young, lead more successful lives. Many children honestly do not know what is right and what is wrong in relationships. Respect for others must be taught and modeled for  children by caring adults in their lives.

The longer the abuse goes on, the greater the trauma and emotional stress continues not only for the victim, but the bystanders and the bully.

Children need to feel safe in school. They also need to be taught to respect the rights of others. Bullying hurts everyone involved.

Victims of Bullies

If a situation such as this is not recognized and cared for, the bullied child may become extremely depressed, and develop issues which could effect them for the rest of their lives. Low self esteem, distrust, lack of confidence, fear, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in school, activities, and friends are common results.

Bystander or Witness

Bystanders or a witness to a traumatic event are frequently bothered by nightmares, flashbacks, lack of confidence and feeling ashamed or powerless. This may be a pivotal turning point in their maturity, helping them decide next time they will speak up or get help or the reverse side to make a decision to step away from all confrontations and not get involved at all.

Bully or Bullies

Bullies who get away with traumatizing others, develop a warped sense of justice. They begin to feel invincible and that they can use violence to get what they want in life. Without intervention, they may very well think it is normal to cross personal boundaries to harm others and to feel “entitled” to be mean to others.

Bullies do not outgrow the tendency to bully.  They simply grow bigger and learn to do it in more subtle ways.  They become the abusive husband, boss or neighbor.  It is a service to them and the people in their lives, to teach them respect and tolerance.

Bullying  Programs in Schools

Teachers should work to know each of their students and recognize any unusual symptoms or behaviors. Likewise, students should be educated on the matter of bullying and encouraged to seek the help of an adult when it is going one. There are usually many bystanders when one is being bullied, and if those bystanders could gather up the courage to take a stand, they could easily overrun the bullies in sheer numbers. Children need to be taught that bullying is essentially a whole school problem, and they need to take it seriously.

You will want to claim your free report at http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Please leave comments and share your thoughts below.  I care about you and the children you work with.

PS: Don’t forget Judy H Wright is available for keynote speeches. Recommend her to your program director.  You will be glad you did. Phone 406-549-9813 today.

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