Texting and Instant Messaging Can Hurt Children

Schools deal with the issue of harassment through text messaging and online instant messaging every day.

Cell phones and texting is the primary form of communication with teens. Families need to learn about internet safety and cyberbullying online.

But, many adults do not realize just how often children are being bullied online or through texting.

Often too afraid to tell their parents, children try to deal the problem of cyberbullying themselves. They often only getting their parents involved when the situation gets out of control and the child is helpless to do anything about it alone.

Texting is Main Source of Communication

Teachers and parents agree that texting-whether the act of sending one or the anticipation of receiving one- distracts tweens and teens.  Most schools prohibit cell phones in the classrooms, but teens are very adept at getting around the system.

A 2008 Harris Interactive study found that nearly half of kids-42% could text even when blindfolded.

Tactics of the Cyberbully

Bullying, threats and intimidation, harassment and causing embarrassment of another are all tactics of today’s cyber bully.

This growing problem uses interactive technology such as cell phones, chat rooms and online instant messaging in an effort to harass, embarrass or otherwise victimize another person.

The motivation of the cyberbully is widely varied. Often schools are powerless to help as much of the bullying takes place off school grounds.

Why do Children Become Cyberbullies

The reasons children cyberbully each other are many. Sometimes children are holding a grudge against their victim, or want to emotionally hurt another. Sometimes they act out of boredom as a child seeks a new form of entertainment. Sometimes kids fight back against being bullied by becoming bullies themselves.

How to Combat Cyberbullying

At this juncture law enforcement around much of the world is ill equipped to deal with cases of cyber harassment. Right now most laws only apply to cyber threats such as hacking or death threats.

Often the only recourse for cyber harassment victims is to report the problem to their Internet Service Provider. In most cases cyberbullying is only considered a breach of the terms and conditions of the ISP and the only recourse is to suspend or cut off the bully’s internet access.

This usually only stops the bullying for a short time while the cyberbully sets up a new account, or finds access elsewhere.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• What would I do if I found my child was being victimized by a cyber bully?

• Do I know the signs that my child may be being harassed by a cyber bully?

• Could I tell if my child might be bullying someone else online? How would I deal with it?

Bully Advocate

• We empower the bully to gain empathy and learn new ways of communication
• We empower the bystander to get involved and diffuse the confrontation
• We empower the victim to be courageous and set boundaries
• We empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy

Follow us on FaceBook at Judy Helm Wright or on http://www.Twitter.com/bullyadvocate

You will be glad you did.

The Dangers Of Cell Phone Texting

In today’s modern world, children are starting to use technology earlier and earlier. There are very  few eight year olds who do not know how to send an email, check a profile on FaceBook, or send a text message. They are often teaching the adults in their lives how to text messages.

Before the wide use of cell phones, bullying typically began to escalate around the third grade, peaking by about eighth grade and tapering off in high school.  Those of us who do research and interviews on this subject, find it now starts earlier and lasts much longer.

Cell phone texting and online messages make it easier to cyberbully. Parents need to learn how to deal with this issue.

Cell Phones and Cyberbully

The combination of cyberspace, availability of cell phone and the internet and vulnerable children can be a recipe for disaster. Cell phone texting is one of the things that cyber bullies are using to harm those who they dislike or want to humiliate.

Cyberbullying may carry cruelty to new extremes. Because of the immediacy of cell phones teens who are in a bad mood may post a message they later regret.

There are those who use the cell phone as a weapon to taunt, tease and torture others.  Blasting is a phrase that has been used to describe a “blast” of private information posted online and passed around to a large group of followers.

Sexual Predators Are Looking For Victims

Bullies and sexual predators are taking advantage of these venues to target the younger generation. Everyone knows that young people are very adept at texting.

And while at one time words and fists were used to threaten those that were disliked, now bullies are turning to cell phones and computers as their secret weapons. And these are more effective at causing harm and humiliation than anyone ever dreamed of.

Adults Need  To Learn About The Dangers

One of the scariest things about cyber bullying is that it is hard for parents or other authorities to see or recognize. While a threatening scene in the school hall or cafeteria could have been visible to many, threatening texts are personal and only seen by the person to whom they are sent.

They may leave a child or teen frightened, vulnerable and emotionally scarred.

Empower Youth To Hit Delete

Experts say that most teenagers will not admit to receiving unfriendly or threatening texts because of fear and pride.

They do not want mommy coming to school to back them up; that would be embarrassing and make them more prone to humiliation. And perhaps they are afraid of being hurt if they tell someone.

More young people carry cell phones than ever before, and concern over text messaging safety is becoming more important. There are a few guidelines that should be followed to help keep teenagers safe.

Talk Often To Teens

They should never text personal information such as address, full name, or any other information or pictures that could lead a predator to them. Parents should also make sure that they talk to their children regularly about cyber bullying.

And if a situation becomes serious or threatening messages are sent, the authorities should be notified.

The more open the lines of communication between generations of caring adults, the more likely they are to report any issues.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

How Bystander Bully Assistance Can Help You Through A Traumatic CyberBullying Situation

If you are the victim of cyber bullying you are not alone. As the prevalence of internet use increases among all age groups there is a greater need for better restrictions and assistance on how both youth and adults communicate online.

Being the target of malicious attacks is a difficult and embarrassing event for anyone. Enlisting the right bystander bully assistance can help educate you and your young one on how to respond when personal attacks are made online.

Targeted Threats

Numerous reports of individuals being overwhelmed by “mean speak”; threats and suicide encouragement have been presented by the news media.  Phoebe Prince from MA is an example of a teen who felt she had no one to turn to for help.

There has been for a long time no real protocol in dealing with these attacks. Schools, churches and organizations are caught in the bind of not knowing who is responsible. The public onslaughts of vicious speak have left many feeling as though there is no way out.

Internet Safety

Teach teens that cybrbullying is a crime. Help them resist the urge to pass along hurtful messages. Learn internet safety.

Having to deal with nasty e-mails, death threat and pranks can be overwhelming, especially if the victim is young, which the case is most often. Many young people are not aware of the consequences that a posted message can have.

Often the response to an unpopular statement or opinion can become terrifying when meted out by the wrong group. It is not like bullying in the old days when your enemy was right in front of you and you could fight it out or tell the principal.

Nowadays, cyberbullying is very anonymous and the venom is passed from cell phone to computer to FaceBook to MySpace and can be global almost instantly.

Teach Teens To Not Pass On Gossip Online

While adults have a better understanding of the resources that may be available to help them deal with a tumultuous situation online, teenagers often do not.

They generally tend to weather the storm alone hoping that it will subside by itself. Unfortunately due to ease of access, these situations generally continue to spiral out of control if unchecked until an awful climax is reached.

Words Have Power for Good and Bad

Teaching your children smart internet skills is one way to avoid the hassle. Make certain that they understand the effects that different forms of online communication have on their privacy.  Help them to pause and think before sending on a message that might hurt or embarrass another.

As a family discussion continue to share with them the less than stellar responses received by teenagers that share too much information. It is also imperative to keep the lines of communication open in order to ensure that your child is not quietly suffering as a victim.

Help them to brainstorm ideas of being brave enough to stand up for someone being cyberbullied or to refuse to pass on hurtful messages. Just one person being kind can make a huge difference in the lives of others.

When they are aware of the consequences of bullying, it is far less likely that they will have to endure or become a part of it in any way.

Questions to ponder

1. Have you ever had someone say something mean about you and played like it didn’t matter?
2. Do you know it is against the law in many areas to harass or threaten someone online?
3. If a friend were being cyberbullied, could you help them?  How?
4. Do you know where to find information on internet safety?

Recognizing the Six Types of Aggressive Bullies:

Are You a Victim?

Bullying can be described as aggressive behaviour that is intentional and involves an imbalance of power or strength. Often patterns of abusive behaviour becomes evident over time. Victims or targets sometimes downplay the violence and damage to their self esteem, hoping it will just go away or at least get better with time. Bullying and aggressive action rarely stop without some sort of intervention.

Bullying is not strictly a behaviour of the young and not all bullying involves fighting.

Bullying, in all forms, is an attempt to steal power from someone else thus empowering the bully. There is no single reason why some people attempt to take advantage of others, but those who intimidate and manipulate often use aggressive tactics.

There doesn’t appear to be a single type of person become the target of bullies or the victims of their aggressive attacks. However, you may want to check out the six types of bullies and their methods of intimidation to see if you can recognize when and if you have been the victim of a bully.

The following are the most common traits of bullies:

The Physical Bully

• hits, kicks, pushes, spits, and/or intimidates
• steals possessions
• forces others do things they don’t want to do themselves

The Verbal Bully

• engages in name calling, humiliating, teasing, and insulting
• uses sarcasm and pointed jokes to point out flaws in their targets personality
• makes degrading comments about victims dress or appearance

The Non-Verbal Bully

• mimics physical activity and/or disabilities of others
• makes offensive gestures and facial expressions
• turns their head or body away when victim is speaking (giving the cold shoulder)
• uses threatening body language (such as standing in the victims personal space, and using postures that make the themselves look physically larger than their victim)

The Social Bully

• refuses to talk or acknowledge their victim
• spreads rumours or innuendoes about others
• makes someone behave or dress in a manner that bully determines
• invites others to an event or party in front of victim, while excluding the victim
• talks directly to the victim about a social event they have been excluded from

The Sexual Bully

• engages in unwanted physical contact
• makes vulgar remarks and gestures toward others
• calls others by sexual names or remarking on sexual orientation
• takes photos or videos of their victim in a compromising situation and threatens to share it
• manipulates situations to gain sexual favours

The Cyber-Bully or Technological Bully

• sends mean, vulgar or threatening messages using cell phones or through text and instant messaging
• texts private messages to others not sent directly to (the victim????)
• sends photos or sexually suggestive photos without permission.
• pretends to be someone else to make their victim look bad
• intentionally excludes someone from an online group
• posts derogatory or inflammatory messages on social media sites (ie: Facebook, Youtube, and MySpace)
• impersonates people through instant messaging to gain information or humiliate

Hold Bullies Accountable

While researching my latest book on cyber-bullying, I have found bullies almost never stop their aggressive and abusive behavior without intervention.

Bullies DO NOT stop bullying; they just get bigger and more devious in their approach.

Empower Yourself

If you recognize that you have been bullied in the past, empower yourself now. Set boundaries and become more assertive in your interpersonal relationships. Claim your free eBook on learning to speak up and say what you want.  Find it at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.

Time To Talk To Teens – Or Not

If you are a parent of a teen or tween you will recognize that this age group does not always practice delayed gratification.

Talking to teens about texting and online comments is an important part of teaching lifeskills

Many also have poor impulse control, especially when around their peer group.  They may not have life experience enough to recognize for every action there is a reaction.

In writing my latest book on bullies and specifically, cyberbullies, I have found there is a real missed connection on pushing send on the cell phone without thinking if that was the real message they wanted to convey. There may be serious consequences if they are accused of threatening, stalking or flaming someone online.

Parents need to have open talks about what can happen if they are cyberbullied or how to prevent being seen as a bully by others.  This is an important topic to discuss.

Hints To Make Communication Easier

Don’t… Talk to teen in the morning when she is focusing on the day ahead or is not fully awake.

Do… Talk to your teen when she is most open to conversing with you.  Adolescents tend to be more talkative at night, so take advantage of their “inner clock.”

Don’t …Make steady eye contact.

Do…Start a conversation in the car while driving home from an activity she enjoyed. Teens are most likely to open up when they don’t feel you are staring directly at them.

Don’t…Wait until you have their undivided attention before starting a serious conversation.  They will anticipate and classify the talk as a lecture.

Do….Talk to them when they are engaged in another activity or project that is not too distracting.  You will have much better luck getting them to share feelings, fears and frustrations while they are shooting hoops, eating pizza or riding in the car. We have had good luck discussing life with a teen while painting a fence or wall.

Don’t…Ask general questions such as “How was your day?”

Do…Be specific and be sure to word your question in a positive manner.  For example, you could say “What did your teacher think about your book report?”

Don’t…Share your thoughts immediately after your teen is finished speaking or even a worse choice is to interrupt their long monolog to change the subject.

Do…Allow extra time before responding.  Teens, especially boys, need extra time to sort through feelings and gather their thoughts and can’t always express them at once.

Don’t… Accuse them of being a cyberbully or of having sent mean or inappropriate messages on FaceBook, MySpace or online groups.

Do… Mention that you have often regretted saying something when you could see that it had hurt someone else. But when you could see their facial expression, you were sorry and apologized.  When you push the send button, you may be saying something hurtful and not realize it.

Don’t….Ignore this topic and hope it will go away. It is constantly growing larger and more dangerous as younger and younger children have access to electronic communication.

Do… Talk to your children and teens about “Pause before pushing send.”  Teach them to think before responding to messages or sending them on to others.  Help them to understand the power and permanence of online communication.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.