Keeping Children Safe by being Internet Savvy

The face of the way we communicate has changed rapidly over the past 20 years. Bullying used to take place in schools and parks, but with the advent of new technologies bullying can happen anywhere.

Children used to take refuge from playground bullies at home, but with the internet readily available to many children, and more and more young people carrying cell phones instances of cyber-bullying are increasing at an alarming rate.

Chat rooms, Blogs, Facebook, My Space and other social media sites, e-mail, instant messengers,

Teens use cell phones and the internet to connect with each other. It is easy to use electronics to bully others.

and online gaming and text messaging are just a few ways children are being bullied. Often, as parents, we don’t even know when our children are being abused by others online.

Although it may be difficult to tell when a child is being subjected to the abusive behaviour of others unless they come to an adult for advice. One thing we can watch for is our children being upset after being on the internet or receiving text messages.

HOW TO HELP

• encourage your children to share offensive or abusive e-mails, posts, and texts with a trusted adult
• encourage them to use only moderated chat rooms that help curtail abusive behaviour
• teach them to no respond to abusive posts or e-mails
• help them learn to keep their passwords safe and be cautious about who they give their e-mail address or cell phone number to
• be sure to turn on child safety features installed on your computer
• teach them to think about how their actions may affect others, and to think twice before hitting send on any post or e-mail

Keep your child safe by teaching them not to give out personal information when online.

Make sure you children understand they should never arrange to meet someone you have only been in touch with online. This can be extremely dangerous. Online friends are still strangers.

One simple way to keep them safe is to encourage them to only accept e-mails, instant messages, or texts from people they know and trust.

Teach children that all information online may not always be reliable! There are many people out there who create fake “profiles” with only the intention of meeting and abusing others. In almost all cases its best to only chat online with real world friends and family.

Make sure your children know that if they are uncomfortable, or are being bullied they can come to you or another trusted adult for help. Keeping our children safe online and teaching them how to use a technology as a tool for healthy entertainment, information and communication will help them become a prudent, happy, healthy productive members of society.

Information for this article comes from Childnet International and KidSMART.org.uk

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Time To Talk To Teens – Or Not

If you are a parent of a teen or tween you will recognize that this age group does not always practice delayed gratification.

Talking to teens about texting and online comments is an important part of teaching lifeskills

Many also have poor impulse control, especially when around their peer group.  They may not have life experience enough to recognize for every action there is a reaction.

In writing my latest book on bullies and specifically, cyberbullies, I have found there is a real missed connection on pushing send on the cell phone without thinking if that was the real message they wanted to convey. There may be serious consequences if they are accused of threatening, stalking or flaming someone online.

Parents need to have open talks about what can happen if they are cyberbullied or how to prevent being seen as a bully by others.  This is an important topic to discuss.

Hints To Make Communication Easier

Don’t… Talk to teen in the morning when she is focusing on the day ahead or is not fully awake.

Do… Talk to your teen when she is most open to conversing with you.  Adolescents tend to be more talkative at night, so take advantage of their “inner clock.”

Don’t …Make steady eye contact.

Do…Start a conversation in the car while driving home from an activity she enjoyed. Teens are most likely to open up when they don’t feel you are staring directly at them.

Don’t…Wait until you have their undivided attention before starting a serious conversation.  They will anticipate and classify the talk as a lecture.

Do….Talk to them when they are engaged in another activity or project that is not too distracting.  You will have much better luck getting them to share feelings, fears and frustrations while they are shooting hoops, eating pizza or riding in the car. We have had good luck discussing life with a teen while painting a fence or wall.

Don’t…Ask general questions such as “How was your day?”

Do…Be specific and be sure to word your question in a positive manner.  For example, you could say “What did your teacher think about your book report?”

Don’t…Share your thoughts immediately after your teen is finished speaking or even a worse choice is to interrupt their long monolog to change the subject.

Do…Allow extra time before responding.  Teens, especially boys, need extra time to sort through feelings and gather their thoughts and can’t always express them at once.

Don’t… Accuse them of being a cyberbully or of having sent mean or inappropriate messages on FaceBook, MySpace or online groups.

Do… Mention that you have often regretted saying something when you could see that it had hurt someone else. But when you could see their facial expression, you were sorry and apologized.  When you push the send button, you may be saying something hurtful and not realize it.

Don’t….Ignore this topic and hope it will go away. It is constantly growing larger and more dangerous as younger and younger children have access to electronic communication.

Do… Talk to your children and teens about “Pause before pushing send.”  Teach them to think before responding to messages or sending them on to others.  Help them to understand the power and permanence of online communication.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

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