Celebrity figures are speaking up about the high cost of bullying. Adding to the voices of those who have been bullied or had loved ones take their lives over bullying, many famous names are now taking a stand against bullies and those who deliberately humilate others.

In a plea during an appearance on the Ellen Degneres show recently NFL Football great Drew Brees had this to say:

“If you think that making fun of someone is harmless, you are wrong. If you think its OK to do because everyone else is doing it you’re wrong. Bullying has to stop, and it has to start with you. I want my fans to know that if you’re making fun of someone because they are different, then you are no friend of mine. If you are being bullied I want you to know that there is support. I support you. Making fun of someone because they are different from you, that’s not being tough. Its being ignorant. Appreciating people for how they are different from you, that’s what it takes to be a friend.”

Brees isn’t the only one concerned about bullying. The topic has been in the forefront of the media recently with the high profile suicides of four young people whose deaths were the result of constant bullying.

CNN’s Anderson Cooper has always been on the forefront of this subject, reporting on the issue regularly and trying to make a difference.

In a recent appearance on the Ellen Degeneres show Copper suggested that he doesn’t recall being bullied himself, but he does remember standing by and watching others be bullied. He said as a bystander he remembers having a sense of relief that he wasn’t the person being picked on.

Cooper said the bystanders need to intervene and stand up against a bully to help break the cycle. It is not easy to empower children

Working together we can build a world of mutual respect and kindness for all.

unless we can model and teach the skills.

We all know that growing up, particularly during the teen years is difficult for everyone. Parents need to understand that today’s teens have a much different experience than they had.

For more information on bullying and the effect it can have on individuals, families, schools and communities, please check out http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com

You will be able to claim a free report for parents and teachers on what to look for if your child has been bullied or is a bully. You will also find techniques to use to build up the assertiveness skills and self esteem of children and teens.

Empowering a Bystander or Witness to Crime

It’s happened to all of us at one point or another. We’re sitting in the office, playing on the swings, or walking our dogs and then it happens:  a mugging, a purse snatching, animal mistreatment or bullying.

In a split second we are drawn in a trauma or drama that is not expected and we feel has very little meaning to us personally.

What Would You Do

Adrenalin kicks in immediately and our bodies are flooded with messages to fight or take flight.  Do we get involved or do we stand by and watch or even leave the scene so we won’t have to see another human being or animal being abused?

Some of us are able to stop the problem immediately but others struggle with the decision… Old issues and experiences from childhood or the past will color how much power we feel that we have to intercede.

We may feel powerful or powerless.

When you witness a bullying situation or crime, you can call police and ask for assistance.

Those of us who are powerless or uninterested in helping become bystander bullies and add to the trauma of the victim.

There Are  No Winners

The seemingly innocent witness to this social crime may seem as if they don’t have much to do with it. This is not always true.

Bystanders can, without meaning to, make the victim of bullying feel even worse. They may end up inflicting more pain with their silence than any physical punishment can.

In addition to this, individuals who witness bullying by either verbal or physical harm often feel so much guilt and pressure they end up with more mental and psychological problems than the actual victim. Stomach aches, headaches, and even ulcers have been attributed to the lack of action from these bystanders.

Do You Get Involved?

It is understandable that people could be afraid to stand up to bullies. We all fear the possibility of being shunned or mocked for good deeds.

We don’t always like what we see but the chance of it being inflicted upon us rather than someone else is often enough to stay our hands and voices.

Get Help or Give Help

That is why it’s so important for us to remind individuals who see bullying that you don’t have to be out on a limb in order to stand up to bullies. Anonymous calls, tips, and information are easy enough to get to adults or supervisors.

Being a bystander bully isn’t the only option out there. You can always lend a hand to someone that you see who is too weak to stand up for him or her self. The important thing is to remember that as long as you’re silent there is no one who is going to take a stand.

Questions About How You Feel

1. Have you ever seen a bullying situation and were not sure what to do?
2. Have you become involved by calling authorities?
3. Have you ever had a bully turn on you when you tried to help the victim?
4. Have you ever assisted someone after they have gone through a trauma?
5. What were you feeling in each of these situations?

Please feel free to answer and comment on these questions.  It is good to get a conversation going on how we can empower bystanders and witnesses to crime and bullying.  As each one of us steps up to be counted, we can lessen the trauma and drama of those who need assistance.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

The Helplessness Of The Bystander Bully

A bully is tearing through his latest victim. You’re scared, unsure of what to do. You see other people just like you standing around with stunned, fearful expressions written on their faces. Some of them begin to speak up but not in the way you would expect. Instead they are egging the violence on.

If you are witness to the violence of bullying and don't speak up or try to help the victim, you are called a bystander bully.

For whatever reason you simply watch while the violence continues.

You are officially a bystander bully. Psychologists and mainstream media are starting to study the effects of the learned helplessness of not speaking up.

Helpless or Hopeful

The bystander can have just as much affect on a situation as an active bully. These bullies often increase the amount of emotional and physical pain a victim is subjected to when they have an audience. Bullies want attention and are hoping they can show their superior power, but feel deflated when others speak up and call the bully out.

Bullies, targets and bystanders are damaged when the violence is not addressed and stopped.

Bullies who continue to tease, taunt and humiliate can harm more than just the victim being bullied, but frequently hurt themselves in the long run. The bully will continue to believe that it is okay to violate the rights of others.

Bystanders who take no action during a bullying incident is taking place often report higher levels of stress, fear, anxiety, and guilt, not only during the fight but symptoms show up for years later. These emotions can manifest themselves into headaches, cramps, and even ulcers. This is in addition to sleepless night and a great deal of other mental and stressful issues.

In addition, people (especially children) who do nothing during an attack are more likely to become bullies themselves.

Too Scared To Act

It is understandable why individuals may be too scared to call out the bully. Fear of having the spotlight moved from the victim to you stops many from speaking up.. When you step out into the rain it’s to be expected that you will get wet. When put into harms way you run the risk that you will become the next target. There is also the fear of embarrassment or being ostracized.

There Are Other Choices

There is great importance in remembering to explain to bystanders that you don’t have to put yourself in danger in order to stop a bully. Phone lines, anonymous tips, and unsigned sent notes are all good ways to call for an adult or supervisor. Appealing to other bystanders is a way to form a cohesive anti-movement against bullies. Rather than singling yourself out you appear as part of a disgruntled mob.

Being a bystander bully doesn’t have to be your only choice. Sometimes you can find yourself so chocked up with terror that you can’t move or speak. Still, there are ways to do so without singling yourself out. A bully is only as powerful as the people who refuse to speak up in his presence.

Be a voice and help someone. Don’t just be a bystander and spectator to bullying, but a witness to peace and respect for all.