Welcome to a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all,

Assertive communication is the key to managing conflict.  Regardless of the kind of conflict – a coworker claims your work as hers, a neighbor who parks in your parking spot, a child who refuses to do chores, a spouse who forgets to call when he/she is going to be late- all are opportunities to use assertive behavior to confront the issues and solve the conflict.

Being assertive is a respectful way to get what you want without being pushy

Learn to communicate with confidence for results and respect.

Here are five steps to approach conflict that can build strong relationships and establish boundaries.

1. Define the conflict in terms of your needs.
2. Ask questions of the other person about possible solutions
3. Choose a solution that meets both needs
4. Put together a plan of action that gives responsibilities to to both parties
   
5. Evaluate the solutions

Don’t Accuse or use “you statements”

It may be easier to say “You keep parking on my side of the parking lot. You are so inconsiderate.” You statements automatically put the other person on the defensive and lessen the odds of getting to a good solution.

“I statements” put the situation in terms that do not accuse, but only state what you want to happen. “I need to have my full parking space, so I don’t have to worry about scratching my car.”  When you communicate your needs, you are stating your position and setting your boundaries.  In effect you are setting up a foundation that allows for dialog and coming to a solution that is fair for all.

Solutions Should be Fair

Conflict is not resolved if you have won and the other person has lost.  If you are not sure if it was fair, ask yourself if you would have been satisfied had the other person gotten his way and you would have lost.  Will that resolve the conflict?

Assertive behavior indicates that you are self-confident enough to hear and accept the truth.

As you can see, if you want to learn the steps to confront conflict with respect and fairness, you will want to become more confident and practice setting boundaries in all relationships.  If you want to see results faster, you will want to go to http://www.confidentclues.com

I have confidence in you.

Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all,

Conflict is good. It really is. Conflict teaches us about working with all kinds of people and situations and finding solutions and  a resolution that is reasonably fair to all.

Many of us have been taught that a conflict means a fight.  A fight usually means a winner and a loser.  If we don’t feel that we will be the winner, then it is best to stay out of the way of someone who disagrees with us.  We may feel that conflict should be avoided because it will only produce bad feelings and violent reactions.  but conflict has the potential and power to produce growth, adventure,  and clear boundaries of behavior.

Assertive Communication is Key to Manage Conflict

Setting boundaries and working towards a respectful resolution is what we do when we care about ourselves and others.

Stating what your needs and boundaries are allows the other person to be more respectful.

If we did not care about the people in our relationships we would not bother with the energy to disagree.  We will either become resentful or end the relationship. By using assertive communication skills and treating others as we would like to be treated, we have the opportunity to resolve conflict in a more productive way.

Some techniques of being assertive that I have found to be effective is to;

• Talk in short sentences “I hear what you have said. I think there is a misunderstanding.”
• Deepen your voice and slow down your speech.  We tend to become more shrill when excited and sends signal we are emotionally vulnerable.
• Be firm, kind and consistent in what you want to happen “I recognize it will take time to accomplish the assignment, but it needs to be done by five o’clock.” Then repeat if necessary.
• Do not interrupt or answer for the other person. After you have stated what you want to have happen and asked for feedback, be silent.

Opposite of Love Is Not Hate–But Indifference

Conflict with others is a normal part of our life.  However, we can learn to speak in an assertive and respectful tone that will help discover a fair solution. When we care enough about ourselves and the ones we share relationship with, we will want to learn techniques that will make getting along easier and more pleasant for everyone involved.

Learning to solve conflicts with assertive communication styles will enhance your life.  You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

Your friend,

Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker