Girls Bully Girls- QueenBees and WannaBees

Emma has started puberty early and has noticeably larger breasts in September at the start of sixth grade than she did in June at the end of school.  Other girls notice her popularity with the boys and decide to “punish” her.

They start a campaign of rumors, gossip and exclusion of Emma from all activities where she used to be included as a friend.  Confused and hurt, Emma asks why she is being ignored and shunned.

One of the girls who was a former friend confesses that the only reason Emma is getting attention from boys is because she is “putting out.” She tells her that texts and messages have been going back and forth talking about “When girls have sex, their boobs get big.”

Girls can be very mean to other girls, especially about the rate of body development in puberty.

Big Problems Need Adult Intervention

Humiliated and embarrassed over the lies, Emma decides to talk to the school counselor. Fortunately the school had a caring counselor and administrative staff who called a meeting of the girls involved in the attack and their parents.

After a frank discussion over the natural development of our bodies, the counselor also talked about the need for kindness and empathy.  An anti-bullying program was set in place and parents and students were made aware of the consequences of cyberbullying.

This story had a happy ending.  Many do not.

Cyberbullying May Lead To Depression Or Even Death

In addition to texting lies and rumors, there have been some instances which included posting doctored pictures of a person on the Internet.  When a group of girls decides to turn on someone, they tend to get others involved who agree with the Queen Bee, or the girl with the most power in the group.

Other girls or Wannabees are fearful of standing up to the leader for fear they will be the next target.  They then become either participants in the cyberbullying or bystanders who do nothing to help the victim.

The bystander or witness, who does not at least try to help the victim, may suffer as much or more than the victim. They too may suffer from anxiety, fear, depression and lack of self-esteem.

There Are No Winners In Bullying Situations

A lot of damage can be done via electronic or online bullying. It can be worse than face-to-face bullying because it is can be anonymous or hard to trace.  There are a number of laws being created internationally to make this a crime.

Parade Magazine 8/22/10 Article On Cyberbullies

According to the article in a recent Parade magazine, included in our Sunday paper, laws have been passed in Massachusetts and New Hampshire expanding bullying laws to include digital harassment. Nevada and Louisiana have set up criminal penalties for those convicted of intimidating others electronically.

Missouri, a second offense can lead to felony charges.  Many teens do not realize how serious it is to cyberbully someone they don’t like or disagree with.  Many think it is funny to haze or tease a victim or target until they drop out of school or activities.

Talk Often To Young People About Empathy

Parents and other caring adults need to model empathy and kindness as well as teaching it on an ongoing basis. Parents should also make sure that they talk to their children regularly about cyber bullying.

Helping them to understand that cyberbullying is a crime and offenders will be punished.  What may have started out as a joke or misunderstanding can quickly get out of hand and lives can be ruined.

And if a situation becomes serious or threatening messages are sent, the authorities should be notified.

The more open the lines of communication between generations of caring adults, the more likely they are to come to you to help them solve big problems like cyberbullying and abuse.

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

Teasing or Bullying- Teachers and Parents Need to Know the Difference

“He tripped me and I fell and hurt my knee.” “She won’t play with me and told the other girls to ignore me.” “Someone wrote in my book and now I have to pay for it.” “How could someone who said they were my friend write such a hateful message on FaceBook about me?”

Should Adults Butt In?

Problem solving is a major part of maturity. If adults, no matter how well-meaning, jump in too soon to intervene youth will never learn to solve their own problems.

Some conflicts are part of the normal process of growing up, just needing a little guidance to change their behavior. If it is bullying or deliberately hurtful or cruel, then adults need to teach empathy. If these acts are a part of emotional or developmental problems which are happening in a pattern, then a red flag may go up.

Teachers, parents, school administrators will soon recognize which incidences and individuals require guidance from a professional trained in dealing with these issues.

Small Problem or Big Problem

Teachers and parents need to know when to step in and solve a problem with bullies and when to let the child problem solve for themself.

If the problem or situation is something the child can solve by making a choice from the following list, then it is a small problem. This list is compiled from Kelso choices.

• Choose another game
• Share and take turns
• Talk it out
• Walk away
• Ignore it
• Tell them to stop
• Apologize
• Make a deal
• Wait and cool off

If it is a serious conflict or is a matter of safety, it is always a big problem. In solving big problems, adults need to mentor and teach problem solving skills to the young people.

Anti Bullying Programs

School teachers and administrators globally need to be trained to recognize the difference between normal teasing, joking and jockeying for position in a group and cruel bullying.

Educators, Administrators, Parents and students will need to band together, and commit to turning schools into communities where kindness and consideration are as important as reading and writing.

Tolerance for others and the desire to respect the unique traits of every person as an individual is the ultimate goal for all in this community.

Respect For Others

Teaching problem solving and respect does not mean no more teasing and rough housing allowed.  It means that  all adults who have contact with young people need to model and mentor kindness and forgiveness.

Teaching children about being a part of a community and protecting and standing up for other members of the team or group, is just one way to challenge abusive and mistreatment of others.

Children need to learn to be kind to people which goes a long way to making up a society where we all respect each others humanity and work together for the greater good of every person.

You can do it, I have confidence in you. You will want to claim your free copy of “Help, My Kid is Being Bullied.”