Taunting, Teasing and Traumatic

Thousands of children go to school every day full of fear.

They are the targets of bullies whose intended goal is to make their lives miserable. Whether the bullying consists of mental abuse like taunting and teasing or more outwardly acts of physical abuse, most bullies like to have an audience for their ruthless activities.

Their misery and loss of self esteem is often further compounded by the bystander bully, a witness who does nothing to intervene.

Many children are afraid to go to school because of teasing, taunting and bullying.

Without realizing it, those who idly watch can become victims themselves.

Bystander and Witness to The Crime

Whether or not they actually support and encourage the events or simply watch, the bystanders and witnesses are participants.

In many cases, the participation is involuntary and they can become victims too.

Bystanders can make a significant difference in exposing and stopping aggressive acts. However, children will understandably have real fears about interfering with bullies. They might be afraid of embarrassment in front of their peers or of being alienated from social groups. Of course, they may have a good reason to dread becoming a target themselves.

Bystanders Who Do Not Speak Up

As a result, those who witness trauma can suffer as much as the obvious victim from similar anxieties, depression and mental anguish. They will frequent want to be able to stop what is going on, but lack the skills or courage to do so.

They can develop overwhelming guilt and stress from not taking action to end something they know is wrong. It is not unusual to see this stress manifest itself in physical disorders like ulcers or chronic headaches.

Anti Bullying Programs Teach Skills

For this reason, children need be taught and empowered to become involved in stopping these types of actions. They should be instructed in ways they can quietly notify adults to expose those who engage in abusive behavior. They need to know that their best course of action is to seek out someone who can stop the physical and emotional pain.

The whole school, church or organization needs to adopt a policy of respect for all. Empathy is a character trait that should be modeled and taught by adults. Positive social skills need to be encouraged in order for them to become automatic action and a habit for life.

Regardless of whether a student joins in or simply observes, they are involved nonetheless. The bystander bully not only perpetuates unacceptable behavior, but can run the risk of unwittingly being added to the list of those who are abused.

Questions To Think About

1. 1. Have you ever been a witness to someone bullying someone else and not spoken up because you were afraid?
2. 2. Later when you had a chance to reflect on the situation, did you wish you had done something to help the victim?
3. 3. What would you do if you saw a friend being bullied?
4. 4. What would you do if it was a stranger?
5. 5. Do you know that if you show signs of compassion or assistance for the victim, the trauma is lessened?

It is not easy to step up when someone is being bullied, but wouldn’t you want someone to come to your assistance if you were being hurt?

You can do it. I have confidence in you.

Victims, Bullies and Bystanders Are Harmed By Violence In Schools

Studies have shown that if those who tend to belittle or pick on others are taught basic communication skills and conflict management when young, lead more successful lives. Many children honestly do not know what is right and what is wrong in relationships. Respect for others must be taught and modeled for  children by caring adults in their lives.

The longer the abuse goes on, the greater the trauma and emotional stress continues not only for the victim, but the bystanders and the bully.

Children need to feel safe in school. They also need to be taught to respect the rights of others. Bullying hurts everyone involved.

Victims of Bullies

If a situation such as this is not recognized and cared for, the bullied child may become extremely depressed, and develop issues which could effect them for the rest of their lives. Low self esteem, distrust, lack of confidence, fear, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in school, activities, and friends are common results.

Bystander or Witness

Bystanders or a witness to a traumatic event are frequently bothered by nightmares, flashbacks, lack of confidence and feeling ashamed or powerless. This may be a pivotal turning point in their maturity, helping them decide next time they will speak up or get help or the reverse side to make a decision to step away from all confrontations and not get involved at all.

Bully or Bullies

Bullies who get away with traumatizing others, develop a warped sense of justice. They begin to feel invincible and that they can use violence to get what they want in life. Without intervention, they may very well think it is normal to cross personal boundaries to harm others and to feel “entitled” to be mean to others.

Bullies do not outgrow the tendency to bully.  They simply grow bigger and learn to do it in more subtle ways.  They become the abusive husband, boss or neighbor.  It is a service to them and the people in their lives, to teach them respect and tolerance.

Bullying  Programs in Schools

Teachers should work to know each of their students and recognize any unusual symptoms or behaviors. Likewise, students should be educated on the matter of bullying and encouraged to seek the help of an adult when it is going one. There are usually many bystanders when one is being bullied, and if those bystanders could gather up the courage to take a stand, they could easily overrun the bullies in sheer numbers. Children need to be taught that bullying is essentially a whole school problem, and they need to take it seriously.

You will want to claim your free report at http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Please leave comments and share your thoughts below.  I care about you and the children you work with.

PS: Don’t forget Judy H Wright is available for keynote speeches. Recommend her to your program director.  You will be glad you did. Phone 406-549-9813 today.

PS: Connect with me on Twitter  http://www.Twitter.com/bullyadvocate

What Is Girl Bullying And How Can You Help

Girls bullying is a huge problem in and out of our schools and society today. More and more we are seeing violence by girls as well as against girls. This problem of “mean girls who form cliques or gangs” is international in nature.

Bullying, teasing, taunting and threatening does not always have to be physical nor does it have to take place in school. Many shopping malls are gathering places for bullies and gangs. Cyber bullying is extremely prevalent today and can be accomplished by texting and posting on social media groups.

Definition of Bullying

Bullying off line or electronically is an imbalance of power. It includes the process of intimidating or mistreating somebody weaker

Online bullies have become an international problem. Girls are more likely to send embarrasing and humilating text messages than boys. If a boy breaks up with a girl, it is the girl who is blamed and taunted by other girls.

or in a more vulnerable situation.  It can include harassment, maltreatment, singling out or exclusion as well as other forms of discrimination.

What Can Parent Do

There are a few things that you can do to help your daughter if you suspect she is being bullied

The first thing that you can do as a parent is to make sure that your daughter knows that you are there for her. It does not hurt to state that fact occasionally even if you do not suspect bullying. Knowing that you will communicate and listen without judgment or rushing in to solve her problems creates an atmosphere where she will use you as a sounding board.

You should also be aware of the schools policy on bullying and cyber bullying. This can be as simple as reading the handbook that the school sends home with your child. Make sure your daughter is also aware of it. Encourage open conversation and ask her to read the policy. It helps to know that there are solutions to every problem. It just takes some creative thinking to problem-solve..

Violence Does Not Solve Violence

Encourage her to ignore the bullying if possible. Many times a victim will get fed up and retaliate after a prolong period of being bullied, and then will be the one accused of fighting or being a bully.

You may want to gently ask the lunch aide or teacher what they have observed.  Make sure you are not making a mountain out of a molehill.  It may be age appropriate teasing and joking around.  If not, then do take steps to confront the issue.

If you suspect your daughter is being cyber bullied check. Ask to look at her email or text messages. This is an extreme step but catching cyber bullying early may be a key step. Try to do this in a way that is non-threatening to your daughter.

Internet Safety

If you suspect your child is being bullied keep the evidence you will need it if it goes to court. Make sure that your child is not in any physical or emotional danger by bringing it to the authority’s attention as soon as possible. Make sure that you daughter knows what to do if she is being bullied and make sure she knows where to go for safety if the bullying turns physical.

Make sure you are informed about cyber bullying, girl bullying and the laws regarding it. In order to stop this new trend parents and students need to know the consequences and that there is help out there. Bullying in any form is not a laughing matter.

To be completely informed about safety on the internet and how to safeguard your family, please claim your report at   http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com/r/101safetytips You will be glad you have gathered this information.

I have confidence in you.

How To Recognize Girl Bullying

The traditional tough guy bully who stands on the corner frisking you for your lunch money is not your typical bully anymore. Recently we have seen a trend in girl bullying that is disturbing to say the least. You used to see girls that were mean to each other, by excluding from a group or sharing gossip, but rarely involved physically violence. Now online communication allows those who tend to be cruel or unkind to be take those negative traits to the extreme.

Online Community Filled With Opportunity

Physical violence breaks out more and more often in our schools and the places where young people gather. This includes the internet.

Online bullying and harassment can follow you everywhere you go 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

Cyber and text bullying between women is not unheard of. Cruel remarks, off color photos, and other forms of torture are often seen over the internet and on cell phones.

Many Tweens, Teens and Adults Don’t Recognize Boundaries

It may be that what is intended as a joke or sarcastic remark comes across as threatening to the receiver of the message.  Without the filter of  body language, the sender may cross boundaries of respect and privacy without meaning to. What started out as innocent banter may be construed as emotional bullying.

These days bullying is taken very seriously. Most schools, youth groups and churches have a zero tolerance, anti bullying policy when it comes to this behavior. Make sure you and your family know  and understand the policy.  I encourage you to have open and non judgmental conversations about the power of words. It is also a good idea to always make sure your child knows that they can come to you if someone is harassing them.

Is Your Teen Being Bullied

There are many ways to tell if your teen is being bullied. Usually drastic changes in behavior are really good signs that you are facing a bully. The signs also include panic attacks, depression, and loss of interest in social activities.

Many times your teen might avoid using the internet or their cell phone when a bully is harassing them. The internet and cell phones are powerful tools for bullies to use to get to their victims. The person being bullied often feels as if they cannot escape the bully and therefore feelings of helplessness or hopelessness can grow.

If you notice any of these changes in your child try and speak with them about it. Make sure that they understand that bullying is illegal, dangerous, and that there are ways to stop or avoid it. Give them the tools to be able to deal with a bully.

Internet Safety

You will want to check out the excellent information at http://cyberbullyinghelp.com/r/101safetytips