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What Is Cyber Bullying & Helping The Bystander To Bullying

Friday, October 11th, 2019

What is Cyber Bullying?

According to Stopbullying.gov, cyber bullying is bullying that happens using the internet or electronic technology. Just like regular bullying, cyber bullying involves an aggressive act performed by a person that has (or that is perceived to have) more power toward a person that has (or that is perceived to have) less power. Bullying is repetitive and purposeful. It can include name calling, threats to cause harm and spreading rumors.

What Are Schools Doing to Prevent Bullying?

Nearly all schools take some measure to educate students about bullying and to prevent them from bullying their peers. Teachers talk about bullying in students’ health classes. Schools hold special programs and assemblies to educate students about the importance of not bullying. It all goes to enforce to students that bullying is wrong, hurtful and unacceptable. But if students know these things, why does it still happen?

Despite all the education that students receive about bullying, bullying still exists both at school and online. While anti-bullying measures demonstrate the school’s best intentions, The Total Bully Solution points out that too often school’s best efforts frequently don’t work. There are several reasons why people continue to bully when they know it is wrong. There are also several reasons why other students witnessing the bullying do not put a stop to it.

What is the Bystander Effect?

The bystander effect is what happens when people do not step in to help when they see another person being bullied or being placed in some type of danger. Named after the infamous stabbing of Kitty Genovese in 1964, the term “the bystander effect” refers to the tendency of people to not help in an emergency situation when other people are present.

According to social experiments done by Bibb Latané and John Darley, if one person witnesses an emergency situation where someone needs assistance, they are likely to help. They feel responsible for helping because they know if they do not help, no one else is around to do so.

 

Something strange happens when a group of people watch an emergency take place, however. Instead of rushing to help, people look at those around them to gauge their reactions. If no one else reacts, people rationalize not helping by saying that it is socially acceptable to not help or that someone else will help. They do not feel so responsible.

How Does the Bystander Effect Affect People who Witness Cyber Bullying?

People who witness cyber bullying online know that they are not the only people to see it. They feel removed from the situation and they figure that because so many people see the bullying taking place, they are not personally responsible for doing something to stop it. As a result, cyber bullies are able to continually harass their victims with no repercussions because no one intervenes. While it would be helpful if internet service providers were able to monitor online bullying, the best bully prevention techniques start at home.

How Can People Overcome the Bystander Effect?

The best way to overcome the bystander effect is to educate people about it. If people realize that they are in a large group of people who are not likely to help, they will be motivated to be the person that does help.

Sources:

http://emergingcenter.wordpress.com/2010/02/22/bullying-and-the-bystander-effect/
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bystander-effect

Nikki Longo is a writer based off the east coast. When she’s not writing at the desk that overlooks the beautiful tree in her backyard she can be found playing with her dogs or cooking up a new recipe. Feel free to reach out to her at nikkiblogsallday@gmail.com

Two Faces of Social Media Users

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Two Faces of Social Media Users

It is not uncommon for teens to have more that one FaceBook, Twitter, My Space or other social media account. Often they have one strictly for family and extended family and one that shows a completely different side of their personality.

Recently in Dear Abby, an advice column that is syndicated in newspapers across America I came across the following letter:

“Dear Abby: I have just learned that a friend’s 16 year-old daughter has two different FaceBook profiles. One is a ‘nice’ profile to which she has invited me, her family and friends from her days at a Christian academy. The other, which is pretty raw, she uses with her new ‘wild’ friends from public high school.

The first profile portrays her as the perfect student and daughter. The other includes explicit details about her sexual exploits and

Social media sites may allow a teenager to have two faces...one for family and one for friends.

drinking parties. Should I keep my nose out of it or let her parents know about the dual identities?”

Signed Vigilant in Everett, Washington

What Would You Do?

Given the information above, how would you proceed? It has been said it takes a village to raise a child and as a parent, I have always welcomed concern and caring regarding my family from others. However what I would not like is someone talking behind my back or being judgmental about my child and their choices in life.

Here is what Abby had to say:

“Dear Vigilant:

Ask yourself whether you would want to be warned about your minor child’s drinking and sexual exploits or kept in the dark and you will have your answer.”

The letter got me thinking, so in reading the letter to Dear Abby, I viewed it from a number of angles: one as the parents, Vigilant who wrote to Dear Abby and the daughter in question.

Cyber-Space Has an Infinite Memory

Many young people lack the life experiences to understand how much exposing their youthful escapades can come back to hurt them in the future. Colleges and employers are now routinely screening applicants through social media sites as well as Goggling applicants.

What seemed to be funny, exciting and rebellious to a 16 year old, can easily become a detriment to the child’s future as well as an embarrassment to the family.

As caring adults, we need to impress on our young people to pause, and consider how what they are about to put out there in cyber space may be viewed, and by whom it may be viewed before pushing send. Think through the decision to post something now. That hasty post could do irreparable harm to your reputation and life for years to come. And as adult we also need to think about the decision to post items. Often posts sent in the heat of anger can be hurtful to others, and cannot be retracted.

Good Advice

While Dear Abby in this case offers good sound advice, so did my mother. She used to tell us “If you are going to regret something tomorrow, you probably shouldn’t be doing it tonight.” Her suggestion didn’t always stop her children and grandchildren from making mistakes, but it did help us to stop and think before proceeding. Isn’t that what we want young people to do?

Some Questions to Ask Yourself and Your Child?

Is this post reflective of who I really am? Is this what I want people to believe about me? Will what I post be hurtful to other people? Is this something I would want a prospective employer to read? Is this something I would want my future children to see? Can I walk away from the computer, phone or electronic device for a few minutes and come back to it, will I still feel the same way, and will I still consider sending it?

Think Before Posting to Social Media Sites!

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

Judy Helm Wright

Join me on Twitter;  http://www.Twitter.com/judyhwright

Assertiveness-Getting What You Want Without Being A Bully

Thursday, May 5th, 2011

Assertiveness-Getting What You Want

In the world today we are faced with many choices. We are all built with the instinct for fight or flight when faced with confrontation.

Recently I ran into a situation where I was faced with a rude, nasty response to a birthday greeting I had sent to an acquaintance through Facebook. I hadn’t realized the link to the free ebook I normally send to my Facebook friends on their birthday had been changed. The gentleman in question reacted by sending me a snarly note back chiding me for sending him marketing material in his birthday greeting.

My initial reaction was to fight back. I knew I had three options in my reaction to his note. I chose to be assertive and apologized for the error, explaining to him that it was unintentional.


Subsequently he wrote back with another extremely aggressive, rude note. I considered again how to respond. I decided this was the time to act in a more passive way. I did not respond because I knew this argument could go on and one, getting both of us nowhere and causing hurt feelings.

After some contemplation I decided to take a more assertive actions, I removed him as a friend on my Facebook account.

Confident people know how and when to be assertive. They respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.

By taking this action I defined that I have boundaries and would rather work with people who are pleasant to work with.

I have found that when we set our boundaries, and make clear what we need, and what we find acceptable, then people are usually more willing to give it to us.

One of the ways we can become a more assertive person is by taking responsibility for our own choices and actions.

The four major components of being an assertive person are:

  1. clearly representing what we are thinking and feeling, both verbally and using body language.
  2. Having no apology for the way we feel.
  3. By refusing to manipulate others with false guilt.
  4. By never sacrificing others , we respect other people and they respect us in return.

Assertiveness is clearly stating what you want and what you need as a means to an end. Being assertive does not mean you need to be pushy. You have the right to be human and take full responsibility for your actions. You even have the right to be wrong sometimes. You have the right to tell others what you are thinking and feeling- and you have the right to change your mind. You also have the right to express yourself without intimidation and you have the right to not accept responsibility for other peoples actions.

Being assertive means owing a situation. The only person you have the ability to change is ourselves.

The heart of being assertive is confidence.

For more information visit www.confidenceclues.com

You will want to learn how to set boundaries in your relationships with others. Being clear about boundaries helps you to never bully others or allow others to bully you.

What can we do to make our kids more likeable

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry “nobody likes me” or “I don’t have any friends.” We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others.

New research shows that all likeable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults. There is a language of likeability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called a “shorthand” to making friends. Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, it has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills. Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier.

Parents, teachers and other caring adults: Here are 7 secrets to assisting your child to be more likeable. Teach and model them on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.

1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach them to be aware of other people’s needs and to offer assistance spontaneously, before they ask for it.
2. Find something that makes you feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don’t have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do you enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts.
3. Say “hello” first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you?
4. Don’t stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially.
5. Don’t take it personally. Help your child understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach them that people are really less concerned about us than we would like to think.
6. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the language of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people’s space by not standing too close.
7. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.

Speak Up Against Gay Bashing Teens

Monday, November 1st, 2010

Have you smiled and walked away when someone told a joke about “fags?”  Were you aware that the number one insult between teenage boys has to do with sexual orientation? When you read the news of young teens killing themselves, do you not think it has anything to do with you? When you see celebrities like Larry King, Ellen Degeneres, Anderson Cooper, Nate Berkus and Dr. Phil speaking out against bullying, do you feel a little more empowered to step up and speak out against gay bashing teens?
Why Kids Bully Gays

Kids tend to dislike or distrust anything that is different than them.  Diversity may be a goal, but the underlying emotion of the adolescent is to fit in at any costs.

Being bullied for looking or acting different can lead to teen depression. Boys tend to bully gay teens with hurtful insults.

Teens like Raymond Chase in Rhode Island, Tyler Cementi in New Jersey, Seth Walsh in California, Billy Lucas in Indiana and Asher Brown in Texas were all victims of anti-gay bullying and cyberbullying.

These teens were bullied and taunted because they didn’t fit in. Sometimes, kids are bullied because someone believes they are not heterosexual. They usually don’t fit the stereotypes of easily identifiable masculine and feminine.  Many of the kids are simply under developed physically and are already questioning their sexual hormones.

Gay Teens Are Bullied Often

If a teen is brave enough to speak up and come out as homosexual or different, then they really are targeted and bullied. It is a tough decision for an adolescent to make.

A 2005 Harris poll found 90 percent of gay and lesbian teens say they’ve been bullied in the past year.  Nearly two-thirds of these students feel unsafe in school according to the  2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.

Peer to peer sexual bullying is one of the most widespread forms of violence in the schools today. When kids don’t feel safe, they are hardly in a position  or mindset to learn but rather just want to protect themselves or as one teen told me “to disappear.”

Verbal Sexual Bullying

Verbal sexual bullying is the most common form of bullying but differs for genders. The words used to bully boys are derogatory terms defining them as “less manly-more like a girly girl.”  They also tend to use homophobic terms that refer to sexual orientation or direction.

Girls, however, tend to go after insults that damage self image.  So “Fat Slut” or “Ugly Ho” are common insults.  Many girls also receive and give threats to sexually violate the victim.  It seems to be particularly hurtful when other girls damage the reputation of each other by spreading lies, rumors or gossip about sexual activity or orientation.

Speak Up Against Bullying

We are all bullies when we condone the bullying behavior of our children, friends or neighborhood kids.  It is amazing how effective it is when an adult speaks up and says “Hey, that is not funny” or “That is unacceptable language and no one wants or deserves to hear it.”

Quiz About Your Feeling On This Issue

  1. Will you be brave enough to speak up when you hear teens speaking disrespectfully to each other?
  2. Have you ever laughed at a joke about someone being gay?
  3. Do you think it is possible to stop teen bullying?
  4. What can you do to empower some one who has been bullied for being gay?

Be sure to claim your free report in the box on the right of the page.  You will be glad you did.  I have confidence in you and your ability to help build a world of respect, kindness and tolerance for all.

Mean Girls Cliques

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

“Tween” girls, those who are between 9 to 12 usually form some kind of an informal group or club.  Adults call it a clique, a french word for coterie, which means a close very exclusive and selective group of friends and members.  There is often the odd girl out of the group or favor of the Queen Bee and her troop of Wannabees.

The popular girls are not necessarily the nicest and most welcoming into the clique.  They may not even be the most well liked.  They are, however, the most feared and obeyed.  Girls of this age can be extremely cruel in the way they exclude those they feel are social liabilities or deserve to be punished.

Tween and teen girls need to belong to a group or clique. It is scary to be alone and they want to fit in. but at what costs?

Girls need to belong

During this vulnerable time of changing hormones and transitions in middle school, most girls feel too vulnerable to face the word alone and need the security of the group to provide strength and a sense of belonging.  Much like the playground politics where younger kids learn the unspoken rules of conduct and  who is the ‘head honcho’ this is the way that girls learn what is expected of them, in dress, attitude and performance.

Scary to be alone

When girls find their group and are accepted into the clique, they seem to relax. They know they will have someone to eat lunch with and to call after school. They know that the group will tell them if their hair is too short or the jeans need to be tighter.  In a group, girls can observe boys and giggle about them safely.  Most girls feel too vulnerable to face the halls of school, the mall or life without the protection and guidance of the group.

It is no wonder that many girls will go against their value system and bully others, or at least not speak up when some one is being picked on or teased.  She values her position within the group so much that she will deny her intelligence or superior athletic ability if that is not a chosen standard for the group.

Odd girl out

Adolescent girls are usually insecure about who they are and worry constantly about life and their place in the scheme of things.  They are pretty self centered and find it hard to see beyond their own needs and insecurities.

They tend to take rejection personally and feel that any slight was because of something they did or did not do.  One of the most important things a parent can do is to help the daughter to  look at things through a wider lens. Perhaps Sally could not spend the night, but she still may want to hang out together at the mall.  Help her to see that there are many solutions to each situation, never just one right or wrong answer.

Questions to think about

  • Why do you think it is important to feel a part of the group at this age?
  • Do you think girls are meaner than boys?
  • How could you help your daughter to develop a network of friends?
  • Is it important to be in the ‘popular’ group for your daughter? Why?

Adolescents is a scary time for girls and boys.  Sometimes it feels like the law of the jungle in the halls of a middle school. The more you can model empathy and kindness, the more your child will develop a strong sense of self, no matter what clique or group she is in.  You can do it. I have confidence in you.

Bully, Bullied and Bystander

Friday, October 8th, 2010

Hello from Montana,

Thanks for visiting this blog and joining a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all. Dr. Phil McGraw is also part of this community against cyberbullying.

My goal as a “BullyAdvocate” is to:

  • Empower the bully to gain empathy and other ways of communication
  • Empower the victim or target to gain skills in assertiveness and setting boundaries
  • Empower the bystander to speak up and let others know that cruel behavior is not cool

According to National Association of School Psychologists, about one in seven schoolchildren has either been a bully or the target of a bully.

What If Your Child Is The Bully

Bullies come in all sizes, shapes and temperaments.  They may come for a dysfunctional home, but may also come from a great home with parents who care deeply and are mystified as to why their child would deliberately hurt or abuse someone else.

It may be teasing that got out of hand. It might be revenge. It might be part of “group think” or power of peer pressure.  It may be behavior that mimics what was seen in a movie or television show.  It can also be that the personality is manipulative and self-centered.

No matter why or how your child tries to dominate others, it is important to teach empathy and kindness.  Helping a child who has been bullying others for power or attention, may

As many bullies as there are in the world, the one common denominator is a desire for power. They want to win at all costs.

If your child
What To Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied

The first thing to do is remain calm and remember you are the adult, not the child you were when you were being bullied in the third grade. Listen to your child’s story and reinforce that you want to help him/her solve the problem and what would they prefer you do to help.  It is important to let them know it is not their fault and that there are mean people in the world who deliberately hurt others with words or actions.

If your child needs social skill training, help them role play some responses to the bully.  Teach them about being assertive and give them some words to say that will deflect the bullies anger or hurtful conduct. You will find some great exercises and techniques  in my book and classes at http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Children who are different in some way or have behaviors that annoy or amuse their school mates still have a right to be treated with respect and kindness. But, as parents, we may need to coach our children in ways to increase “likeabilty.”

Bullied kids feel helpless and hopeless. This can lead to depression.

What if Your Child Witnesses Violence?

Remember to empower young  people by reminding them they are strong and capable and that you have confidence in them. Help them to see that they have a voice and a choice not only in their actions but in their reactions.

If they have witnessed bullying but did not speak up, they will be traumatized and feel they have betrayed their value system.  Help them to understand the power of the word.  A single word of kindness  or a pat on the arm can make the difference in not only how the victim feels but how they feel about the situation.

Practice with them as they speak in a polite assertive voice “Hey cut it out.” Or,  “Please stop. No one deserves to be treated that way.”

There are no winners in a bullying situation. The bully, the bullied and the bystander all suffer in some way.

By teaching respect and kindness for all, we can build a better world.  For more information, please see http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com and leave a comment or claim your free report on bullying.

You can do it. I have confidence in you.

Judy Helm Wright

Cyber Threats To Nation and Home

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Cyber Threats To Nation and Home

Tom Ridge is the president and CEO of Ridge Global.  He was the first secretary of the U.S. Homeland Security.  Before that he was governor of Pennsylvania.  In a recent newspaper article he was quoted as saying;

“The cyber threats we as Americans face today are complicated and complex.  The geographic borders that once served to protect us do not exist in the digital world.  Most of our citizens do not comprehend the fact that the geographic barriers that once gave us a personal sanctuary are no longer the primary source of protection.  Those who would do us harm-whether as nations or cyber criminals- can digitally ‘invade’ via the Internet.  And many experts believe our next major attack could occur on the cyber battlefield.”

Threat To Nation and Home

As electronic devices have become more popular with young children and teens, the issue of cyberbullying has also grown.  It is important as caring adults that we become Internet Savvy and know how to protect those who are looking to us for protection.

In this day and age, you need to be aware of the risk and know how to stop someone who is cyberbullying you or your child.

Social Networking Privacy

If your child uses an adult social networking site such as FaceBook or Twitter, teach them how to use privacy settings. This allows them to keep personal information private.  Help them set up their pages so friends can only be added with their consent.

There are many behaviors which are considered to be cyberbullying. Basically, this action is simply threatening, harassing, or stalking a person on the Internet. It may involve gossiping, lying, impersonation, or posting pictures, real or false.

Stop and Think Before Pushing Send Button

Teach your children to stop and think before pushing send.  Many text messages that come across as threatening were supposed to be funny or a joke.  Without the benefit of body language, only the words convey the message and may be misinterpreted.

While some cases of cyberbullying are not too serious, all should be considered a threat. This type of action can escalate to very a serious situation quickly. And contrary to popular belief, this type of bullying can actually be much more dangerous than bullying which takes place in person.

Families need to be Internet Savvy. Learn Internet safety tips for kids.

With a person-to-person bully, one knows exactly who is threatening them. The message can be passed around and virtual strangers will comment or gang up digitally on the target.

Difficult To Trace The Online Bully

It can be much more difficult to pinpoint and stop an online bully. Also, with electronic bullying, one is much more apt to experience emotional trauma, which can take much longer to heal than any physical wound.

Often, an individual feels that they have no safe haven from a cyberbully because this follows them even into their home. They may feel trapped. Some drastic cases have ended in suicide. Teach your children what to do when they are threatened or bullied. Talk to them about it often.

Home Is A Haven Of Safety

A parent should have a good open line of communication with their children so that they will talk to their parent when bullying is taking place. A child should feel that they can come to their parent or other caring adult at any time with these concerns.

When it comes to the Internet, parents should set strict and firm rules and hold their children to them. Use filters and only allow them to use the Internet when you are at home with them. Keep all computers in a place where kids know you have access to them.

Know your child. When you see them acting unusual or moody, this should act as a warning signal.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

Bullying and Harrassment – Who Are The Victims

Friday, August 20th, 2010

Joan has just moved to a new school in a completely different part of town. Her parents had lost their jobs and their home had been foreclosed, so they were forced to move into a small, crowded apartment. The whole family was in turmoil and she was especially vulnerable.

She was not sure where she would fit in and how she would make new friends. Seventh grade is hard on girls anyway, and she was out of her comfortable element of old neighborhood, basketball team friends and school.

Victims Are Vulnerable

Girls bully by telling rumors, excluding, gossiping,teasing and texting humiliating messages.

Because she dressed in nice clothes that had been her style in the old neighborhood, girls thought she was snooty and called mean names like “Rich B….” and worse.  She became the target and victim of texting, teasing and threats in the hallways as well as the neighborhood.

Bullying Is About Power Imbalance

Before Joan could get a chance to figure out where her home room would be in school, the Queen Bee and her gang of Wannabees had targeted her for abuse. They decided they would teach her the pecking order and how far down the scale she was.

They began an orchestrated attack on Joan by using texting, cyberbullying, pushing, shoving, embarrassment and humiliation. By the end of the first week, Joan felt defeated and depressed.

Bullying Victims

Bullies tend to choose someone who they feel is inferior or insignificant to them in some way and use threatening and harmful tactics to make them cower. Or, they choose someone they feel is superior to them in some way and want to bring them to a lower position and exert their strength, power and authority.

Bullies will often steal from, abuse, trip, threaten, intimidate, call names, or spread rumors about someone that they dislike or that they feel may be threatening their position.

Bullying Facts

The American Psychological Association found in a 2001 study that over 17% of children in grades 6 through 10 had been bullied at some point during that time. Children who have targeted are often too afraid to ask for help from a teacher or parents.

In truth, no one likes a bully. Even those who claim to be friends of a bully are usually merely subjecting themselves to someone that they are fearful of. And most bullies will not hesitate even to turn on their friends, should circumstances necessitate it. At the same time, often the bully is seen as the cool guy in the class. People want to be his friend because they want to be cool, too. It really depends on how harsh the bullying really is. Some bullies just like to appear tough and intimidating while others are not afraid to physically injure those that they dislike.

Bullies Don’t Stop Bullying

Bullying tends to escalate and take place over a long period of time. What may start out as teasing or roughhousing may increase in intensity without intervention. As such, many situations continue and set up a pattern of abuse until it is either stopped by intervention of an adult or bystander.

In Joan’s case, a teacher intervened and got the girls into peer counseling. With the help of a trusted counselor the mean girls were persuaded to allow Joan to teach them some moves on the basketball court.  When they learned that she could benefit their school and them as individuals, they were more accepting  and tolerant.

Thoughts On Bullying and Harassment

  1. Have you ever been bullied or singled out for harassment?
  2. How did you handle it?
  3. Have you ever been part of a group that bullied or harassed another?
  4. What advice would you give to a young person like Joan who is being bullied?
  5. How can you empower yourself when you feel vulnerable?

Thank you for sharing your comments and thoughts.  We welcome you to this community of kind thoughtful people who want respect for all.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

Teasing or Bullying- DoTeachers and Parents Know the Difference

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

Teasing or Bullying- Teachers and Parents Need to Know the Difference

“He tripped me and I fell and hurt my knee.” “She won’t play with me and told the other girls to ignore me.” “Someone wrote in my book and now I have to pay for it.” “How could someone who said they were my friend write such a hateful message on FaceBook about me?”

Should Adults Butt In?

Problem solving is a major part of maturity. If adults, no matter how well-meaning, jump in too soon to intervene youth will never learn to solve their own problems.

Some conflicts are part of the normal process of growing up, just needing a little guidance to change their behavior. If it is bullying or deliberately hurtful or cruel, then adults need to teach empathy. If these acts are a part of emotional or developmental problems which are happening in a pattern, then a red flag may go up.

Teachers, parents, school administrators will soon recognize which incidences and individuals require guidance from a professional trained in dealing with these issues.

Small Problem or Big Problem

Teachers and parents need to know when to step in and solve a problem with bullies and when to let the child problem solve for themself.

If the problem or situation is something the child can solve by making a choice from the following list, then it is a small problem. This list is compiled from Kelso choices.

  • Choose another game
  • Share and take turns
  • Talk it out
  • Walk away
  • Ignore it
  • Tell them to stop
  • Apologize
  • Make a deal
  • Wait and cool off

If it is a serious conflict or is a matter of safety, it is always a big problem. In solving big problems, adults need to mentor and teach problem solving skills to the young people.

Anti Bullying Programs

School teachers and administrators globally need to be trained to recognize the difference between normal teasing, joking and jockeying for position in a group and cruel bullying.

Educators, Administrators, Parents and students will need to band together, and commit to turning schools into communities where kindness and consideration are as important as reading and writing.

Tolerance for others and the desire to respect the unique traits of every person as an individual is the ultimate goal for all in this community.

Respect For Others

Teaching problem solving and respect does not mean no more teasing and rough housing allowed.  It means that  all adults who have contact with young people need to model and mentor kindness and forgiveness.

Teaching children about being a part of a community and protecting and standing up for other members of the team or group, is just one way to challenge abusive and mistreatment of others.

Children need to learn to be kind to people which goes a long way to making up a society where we all respect each others humanity and work together for the greater good of every person.

You can do it, I have confidence in you. You will want to claim your free copy of “Help, My Kid is Being Bullied.”