Cyber Threats To Nation and Home

Tom Ridge is the president and CEO of Ridge Global.  He was the first secretary of the U.S. Homeland Security.  Before that he was governor of Pennsylvania.  In a recent newspaper article he was quoted as saying;

“The cyber threats we as Americans face today are complicated and complex.  The geographic borders that once served to protect us do not exist in the digital world.  Most of our citizens do not comprehend the fact that the geographic barriers that once gave us a personal sanctuary are no longer the primary source of protection.  Those who would do us harm-whether as nations or cyber criminals- can digitally ‘invade’ via the Internet.  And many experts believe our next major attack could occur on the cyber battlefield.”

Threat To Nation and Home

As electronic devices have become more popular with young children and teens, the issue of cyberbullying has also grown.  It is important as caring adults that we become Internet Savvy and know how to protect those who are looking to us for protection.

In this day and age, you need to be aware of the risk and know how to stop someone who is cyberbullying you or your child.

Social Networking Privacy

If your child uses an adult social networking site such as FaceBook or Twitter, teach them how to use privacy settings. This allows them to keep personal information private.  Help them set up their pages so friends can only be added with their consent.

There are many behaviors which are considered to be cyberbullying. Basically, this action is simply threatening, harassing, or stalking a person on the Internet. It may involve gossiping, lying, impersonation, or posting pictures, real or false.

Stop and Think Before Pushing Send Button

Teach your children to stop and think before pushing send.  Many text messages that come across as threatening were supposed to be funny or a joke.  Without the benefit of body language, only the words convey the message and may be misinterpreted.

While some cases of cyberbullying are not too serious, all should be considered a threat. This type of action can escalate to very a serious situation quickly. And contrary to popular belief, this type of bullying can actually be much more dangerous than bullying which takes place in person.

Families need to be Internet Savvy. Learn Internet safety tips for kids.

With a person-to-person bully, one knows exactly who is threatening them. The message can be passed around and virtual strangers will comment or gang up digitally on the target.

Difficult To Trace The Online Bully

It can be much more difficult to pinpoint and stop an online bully. Also, with electronic bullying, one is much more apt to experience emotional trauma, which can take much longer to heal than any physical wound.

Often, an individual feels that they have no safe haven from a cyberbully because this follows them even into their home. They may feel trapped. Some drastic cases have ended in suicide. Teach your children what to do when they are threatened or bullied. Talk to them about it often.

Home Is A Haven Of Safety

A parent should have a good open line of communication with their children so that they will talk to their parent when bullying is taking place. A child should feel that they can come to their parent or other caring adult at any time with these concerns.

When it comes to the Internet, parents should set strict and firm rules and hold their children to them. Use filters and only allow them to use the Internet when you are at home with them. Keep all computers in a place where kids know you have access to them.

Know your child. When you see them acting unusual or moody, this should act as a warning signal.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

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Joan has just moved to a new school in a completely different part of town. Her parents had lost their jobs and their home had been foreclosed, so they were forced to move into a small, crowded apartment. The whole family was in turmoil and she was especially vulnerable.

She was not sure where she would fit in and how she would make new friends. Seventh grade is hard on girls anyway, and she was out of her comfortable element of old neighborhood, basketball team friends and school.

Victims Are Vulnerable

Girls bully by telling rumors, excluding, gossiping,teasing and texting humiliating messages.

Because she dressed in nice clothes that had been her style in the old neighborhood, girls thought she was snooty and called mean names like “Rich B….” and worse.  She became the target and victim of texting, teasing and threats in the hallways as well as the neighborhood.

Bullying Is About Power Imbalance

Before Joan could get a chance to figure out where her home room would be in school, the Queen Bee and her gang of Wannabees had targeted her for abuse. They decided they would teach her the pecking order and how far down the scale she was.

They began an orchestrated attack on Joan by using texting, cyberbullying, pushing, shoving, embarrassment and humiliation. By the end of the first week, Joan felt defeated and depressed.

Bullying Victims

Bullies tend to choose someone who they feel is inferior or insignificant to them in some way and use threatening and harmful tactics to make them cower. Or, they choose someone they feel is superior to them in some way and want to bring them to a lower position and exert their strength, power and authority.

Bullies will often steal from, abuse, trip, threaten, intimidate, call names, or spread rumors about someone that they dislike or that they feel may be threatening their position.

Bullying Facts

The American Psychological Association found in a 2001 study that over 17% of children in grades 6 through 10 had been bullied at some point during that time. Children who have targeted are often too afraid to ask for help from a teacher or parents.

In truth, no one likes a bully. Even those who claim to be friends of a bully are usually merely subjecting themselves to someone that they are fearful of. And most bullies will not hesitate even to turn on their friends, should circumstances necessitate it. At the same time, often the bully is seen as the cool guy in the class. People want to be his friend because they want to be cool, too. It really depends on how harsh the bullying really is. Some bullies just like to appear tough and intimidating while others are not afraid to physically injure those that they dislike.

Bullies Don’t Stop Bullying

Bullying tends to escalate and take place over a long period of time. What may start out as teasing or roughhousing may increase in intensity without intervention. As such, many situations continue and set up a pattern of abuse until it is either stopped by intervention of an adult or bystander.

In Joan’s case, a teacher intervened and got the girls into peer counseling. With the help of a trusted counselor the mean girls were persuaded to allow Joan to teach them some moves on the basketball court.  When they learned that she could benefit their school and them as individuals, they were more accepting  and tolerant.

Thoughts On Bullying and Harassment

1. Have you ever been bullied or singled out for harassment?
2. How did you handle it?
3. Have you ever been part of a group that bullied or harassed another?
4. What advice would you give to a young person like Joan who is being bullied?
5. How can you empower yourself when you feel vulnerable?

Thank you for sharing your comments and thoughts.  We welcome you to this community of kind thoughtful people who want respect for all.

You can do it.  I have confidence in you.

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Teasing or Bullying- Teachers and Parents Need to Know the Difference

“He tripped me and I fell and hurt my knee.” “She won’t play with me and told the other girls to ignore me.” “Someone wrote in my book and now I have to pay for it.” “How could someone who said they were my friend write such a hateful message on FaceBook about me?”

Should Adults Butt In?

Problem solving is a major part of maturity. If adults, no matter how well-meaning, jump in too soon to intervene youth will never learn to solve their own problems.

Some conflicts are part of the normal process of growing up, just needing a little guidance to change their behavior. If it is bullying or deliberately hurtful or cruel, then adults need to teach empathy. If these acts are a part of emotional or developmental problems which are happening in a pattern, then a red flag may go up.

Teachers, parents, school administrators will soon recognize which incidences and individuals require guidance from a professional trained in dealing with these issues.

Small Problem or Big Problem

Teachers and parents need to know when to step in and solve a problem with bullies and when to let the child problem solve for themself.

If the problem or situation is something the child can solve by making a choice from the following list, then it is a small problem. This list is compiled from Kelso choices.

• Choose another game
• Share and take turns
• Talk it out
• Walk away
• Ignore it
• Tell them to stop
• Apologize
• Make a deal
• Wait and cool off

If it is a serious conflict or is a matter of safety, it is always a big problem. In solving big problems, adults need to mentor and teach problem solving skills to the young people.

Anti Bullying Programs

School teachers and administrators globally need to be trained to recognize the difference between normal teasing, joking and jockeying for position in a group and cruel bullying.

Educators, Administrators, Parents and students will need to band together, and commit to turning schools into communities where kindness and consideration are as important as reading and writing.

Tolerance for others and the desire to respect the unique traits of every person as an individual is the ultimate goal for all in this community.

Respect For Others

Teaching problem solving and respect does not mean no more teasing and rough housing allowed.  It means that  all adults who have contact with young people need to model and mentor kindness and forgiveness.

Teaching children about being a part of a community and protecting and standing up for other members of the team or group, is just one way to challenge abusive and mistreatment of others.

Children need to learn to be kind to people which goes a long way to making up a society where we all respect each others humanity and work together for the greater good of every person.

You can do it, I have confidence in you. You will want to claim your free copy of “Help, My Kid is Being Bullied.”

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Victims, Bullies and Bystanders Are Harmed By Violence In Schools

Studies have shown that if those who tend to belittle or pick on others are taught basic communication skills and conflict management when young, lead more successful lives. Many children honestly do not know what is right and what is wrong in relationships. Respect for others must be taught and modeled for  children by caring adults in their lives.

The longer the abuse goes on, the greater the trauma and emotional stress continues not only for the victim, but the bystanders and the bully.

Children need to feel safe in school. They also need to be taught to respect the rights of others. Bullying hurts everyone involved.

Victims of Bullies

If a situation such as this is not recognized and cared for, the bullied child may become extremely depressed, and develop issues which could effect them for the rest of their lives. Low self esteem, distrust, lack of confidence, fear, anger, resentment, hopelessness, and a loss of interest in school, activities, and friends are common results.

Bystander or Witness

Bystanders or a witness to a traumatic event are frequently bothered by nightmares, flashbacks, lack of confidence and feeling ashamed or powerless. This may be a pivotal turning point in their maturity, helping them decide next time they will speak up or get help or the reverse side to make a decision to step away from all confrontations and not get involved at all.

Bully or Bullies

Bullies who get away with traumatizing others, develop a warped sense of justice. They begin to feel invincible and that they can use violence to get what they want in life. Without intervention, they may very well think it is normal to cross personal boundaries to harm others and to feel “entitled” to be mean to others.

Bullies do not outgrow the tendency to bully.  They simply grow bigger and learn to do it in more subtle ways.  They become the abusive husband, boss or neighbor.  It is a service to them and the people in their lives, to teach them respect and tolerance.

Bullying  Programs in Schools

Teachers should work to know each of their students and recognize any unusual symptoms or behaviors. Likewise, students should be educated on the matter of bullying and encouraged to seek the help of an adult when it is going one. There are usually many bystanders when one is being bullied, and if those bystanders could gather up the courage to take a stand, they could easily overrun the bullies in sheer numbers. Children need to be taught that bullying is essentially a whole school problem, and they need to take it seriously.

You will want to claim your free report at http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com

Please leave comments and share your thoughts below.  I care about you and the children you work with.

PS: Don’t forget Judy H Wright is available for keynote speeches. Recommend her to your program director.  You will be glad you did. Phone 406-549-9813 today.

PS: Connect with me on Twitter  http://www.Twitter.com/bullyadvocate

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Assertiveness-Getting What You Want

In the world today we are faced with many choices. We are all built with the instinct for fight or flight when faced with confrontation.

Recently I ran into a situation where I was faced with a rude, nasty response to a birthday greeting I had sent to an acquaintance through Facebook. I hadn’t realized the link to the free ebook I normally send to my Facebook friends on their birthday had been changed. The gentleman in question reacted by sending me a snarly note back chiding me for sending him marketing material in his birthday greeting.

My initial reaction was to fight back. I knew I had three options in my reaction to his note. I chose to be assertive and apologized for the error, explaining to him that it was unintentional.

Subsequently he wrote back with another extremely aggressive, rude note. I considered again how to respond. I decided this was the time to act in a more passive way. I did not respond because I knew this argument could go on and one, getting both of us nowhere and causing hurt feelings.

After some contemplation I decided to take a more assertive actions, I removed him as a friend on my Facebook account.

Confident people know how and when to be assertive. They respect their own boundaries and the boundaries of others.

By taking this action I defined that I have boundaries and would rather work with people who are pleasant to work with.

I have found that when we set our boundaries, and make clear what we need, and what we find acceptable, then people are usually more willing to give it to us.

One of the ways we can become a more assertive person is by taking responsibility for our own choices and actions.

The four major components of being an assertive person are:

1. clearly representing what we are thinking and feeling, both verbally and using body language.
2. Having no apology for the way we feel.
3. By refusing to manipulate others with false guilt.
4. By never sacrificing others , we respect other people and they respect us in return.

Assertiveness is clearly stating what you want and what you need as a means to an end. Being assertive does not mean you need to be pushy. You have the right to be human and take full responsibility for your actions. You even have the right to be wrong sometimes. You have the right to tell others what you are thinking and feeling- and you have the right to change your mind. You also have the right to express yourself without intimidation and you have the right to not accept responsibility for other peoples actions.

Being assertive means owing a situation. The only person you have the ability to change is ourselves.

The heart of being assertive is confidence.

For more information visit www.confidenceclues.com

You will want to learn how to set boundaries in your relationships with others. Being clear about boundaries helps you to never bully others or allow others to bully you.

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Ways to Raise Confident and Assertive Children

from Podcast by Judy Helm Wright

When children learn to be compassionate, caring and learn they may not be the centre of universe they become more confident. They need to realize that they are an important part of the earth, but it does not revolve around them.

Confidence and Self-Esteem is not something children receive at birth. Parents and caring adults need to model respect and how to set boundaries in order to teach these qualities.

When we teach our children to give service, and care about people outside the family unit it also teaches them empathy. Service teaches them about diversity and to go outside their comfort zone. Children should be taught that the bedrock of civilization is respect for others, and gives the child a connection to the world around them and a stronger connection to the family.

Growing up we taught our children that before they turned 16 years of age they had to put in 60 hours of Community Service. The idea behind this was to teach them that there are other people and situations in their community which need attention., and helped them to focus some of their energy on the community around them, instead of just on themselves.

There are literally thousands of techniques to teach children how to be more confident. One of my favourites is to read with children.

By reading with children we can help expand their way of thinking beyond their small world. Stories can teach them how to be empathetic and show them that there are different types of people and lifestyles in the world. It can take them out of their comfort zone, which helps them to become more confident.

When children feel safe and secure they feel more confident. The feeling of safety is what every human and animal needs to feel confident. When one person acts with compassion, it can have a ripple effect. Others see what they are doing and find ways they can help as well. It spurs others on to think about ways they can give back to their community.

By completing tasks which make us uncomfortable we learn the we can do anything. It helps us to become compassionate, caring and self sufficient confident people!

For more information visit www.confidenceclues.com

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Two Faces of Social Media Users

It is not uncommon for teens to have more that one FaceBook, Twitter, My Space or other social media account. Often they have one strictly for family and extended family and one that shows a completely different side of their personality.

Recently in Dear Abby, an advice column that is syndicated in newspapers across America I came across the following letter:

“Dear Abby: I have just learned that a friend’s 16 year-old daughter has two different FaceBook profiles. One is a ‘nice’ profile to which she has invited me, her family and friends from her days at a Christian academy. The other, which is pretty raw, she uses with her new ‘wild’ friends from public high school.

The first profile portrays her as the perfect student and daughter. The other includes explicit details about her sexual exploits and

Social media sites may allow a teenager to have two faces...one for family and one for friends.

drinking parties. Should I keep my nose out of it or let her parents know about the dual identities?”

Signed Vigilant in Everett, Washington

What Would You Do?

Given the information above, how would you proceed? It has been said it takes a village to raise a child and as a parent, I have always welcomed concern and caring regarding my family from others. However what I would not like is someone talking behind my back or being judgmental about my child and their choices in life.

Here is what Abby had to say:

“Dear Vigilant:

Ask yourself whether you would want to be warned about your minor child’s drinking and sexual exploits or kept in the dark and you will have your answer.”

The letter got me thinking, so in reading the letter to Dear Abby, I viewed it from a number of angles: one as the parents, Vigilant who wrote to Dear Abby and the daughter in question.

Cyber-Space Has an Infinite Memory

Many young people lack the life experiences to understand how much exposing their youthful escapades can come back to hurt them in the future. Colleges and employers are now routinely screening applicants through social media sites as well as Goggling applicants.

What seemed to be funny, exciting and rebellious to a 16 year old, can easily become a detriment to the child’s future as well as an embarrassment to the family.

As caring adults, we need to impress on our young people to pause, and consider how what they are about to put out there in cyber space may be viewed, and by whom it may be viewed before pushing send. Think through the decision to post something now. That hasty post could do irreparable harm to your reputation and life for years to come. And as adult we also need to think about the decision to post items. Often posts sent in the heat of anger can be hurtful to others, and cannot be retracted.

Good Advice

While Dear Abby in this case offers good sound advice, so did my mother. She used to tell us “If you are going to regret something tomorrow, you probably shouldn’t be doing it tonight.” Her suggestion didn’t always stop her children and grandchildren from making mistakes, but it did help us to stop and think before proceeding. Isn’t that what we want young people to do?

Some Questions to Ask Yourself and Your Child?

Is this post reflective of who I really am? Is this what I want people to believe about me? Will what I post be hurtful to other people? Is this something I would want a prospective employer to read? Is this something I would want my future children to see? Can I walk away from the computer, phone or electronic device for a few minutes and come back to it, will I still feel the same way, and will I still consider sending it?

Think Before Posting to Social Media Sites!

You can do it, I have confidence in you.

Judy Helm Wright

Join me on Twitter;  http://www.Twitter.com/judyhwright

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Thought this was a great video, and really excited to see main stream media covering the affects of cyberbullying.

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Hello from Montana: The following is a comment and the post I commented on. Enjoy

Thank you so much for this post. It really resonated with me; 1) because my grandkids are all so empathic and

Empathy and respect are taught life skills. How you treat animals is usually how you treat other living things.

have been raised to treat all life with respect 2) because I am writing a new book on bullying and especially cyber-bullying.  Many children do not make the connection between their actions and the reactions on others.

Project Chickens before the Eggs – Lesson 108 – Dangling Frogs and empathy

guest post by Wendy Thomas – Simple Thrift

Yesterday at the community pool, some children found a small frog in the grass. One girl proceeded to pick the amphibian up by one of it’s long back legs and dangled it in front of my son’s face trying to frighten him. Other children gathered round in interest.

“Cut it out”, my son angrily said.

I saw this happening and I knew that he meant cut-out-the-hurting-of-the-frog, and not cut-out-the-trying-to-annoy-me. His concern was for the creature being tortured. The girl thinking that she was succeeding in upsetting my son intensified her assault by holding the frog even closer to his face.

I could see that my son was getting more and more frantic as he watched the frog hung upside down struggling desperately to get away from what had it in its grasps. It was pawing the air and violently twisting in its struggle.

“That’s mean,” one of my daughters said. “That’s really mean.”

The girl was not going to let go of the frog, to her, the sport was too much fun.

After waiting a few seconds to see what would happen, I walked over to the group and told them that this was not going to continue. We needed to get the frog safely over the fence and into the nearby grass. I told them all. The girl put the frog down and my daughter gently picking it up in her hands, walked over it to the fence and placing it on the other side where it would be safe from kids and girls who wanted to tease boys.

When we got into the car to go home, my son, a young man of few words simply said “I didn’t like that.”

None of us did.

I’m not saying that my kids are perfect little angels. On occasion they have been known to hit, scratch, and even pull each others’ hair. But what I will say is that when you invite animals (yes, even chickens) into your life something wonderful happens. When those animals are dependent on you for their food, water, and shelter, and when you discover that animals have intelligence and personalities, it makes a difference. A big difference.

You realize that all are connected and all are worthy of respect and empathy. Even the youngest child learns that to harm another, even a lowly frog, is to do injustice to the greater whole. When you invite animals to share in your life, you discover that when someone bigger and stronger harms something smaller and defenseless, it creates damages to everyone.

It’s not a good thing and you don’t like it.

Because of the dogs, cats, gerbils, hermit crabs, and many chickens we have had and continue to have in our lives, my kids have fully embraced that pain and violence to another creature is always wrong and unacceptable.

And that’s something I like.

Simple Thrift – creative living on less

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