Is my child being a victim of cyberbullying?

You can be mistaken more than often in judging the security of your child within the comfort of the home. When engaging technology in almost every aspect of life, you inevitably increase vulnerability. The internet has brought a plethora of resources with its inevitable side effects. One such side effect, which seems tempting for many people, is cyber bullying. Although there may be no physical injury involved, the inherent emotional setback can upset your child and adversely affect the personality.

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The urbane art of bullying

In cyber bullying, the abuser uses new technology like the internet or mobile phones, making things more challenging for the victim to trace the abuser. Research points out that cyber bullying can be used as an additional tool by the abuser besides the traditional ones. The multiplicity, unpredictability and complexity of cyber bullying can magnify the effect of the harassment or embarrassment for the victim. You (and your child) may not be prepared to face such a hostile sequence of events.

Victimization can be direct and indirect. Recognizing cyber bullying can be difficult due to its covert characteristic. Children who are being victimized can reveal sadness, depression, low self-esteem, reduced academic performance, aggression and difficulty in peer relations.

Substance abuse can also be observed. You need to be watchful of any of the warning signals, and co-relate events to deduce a logical conclusion. This happens more challenging if your child goes in hibernation or is unwilling to share his/her concern. If you observe any obvious change in your child’s behavior, consider it an indicator that he/she requires external help.

If there is reluctance to socializing, escaping school or recreational activities, abrupt mood swings, he/she is probably being the target of cyber bullying; your interruption is desired in controlling the situation from worsening.

Considerations to assist handling cyber bullying

With the rising involvement of technology, it would be impractical to advise your child keep away from the activities going around. You cannot restrict opportunities to keep the bullies away from your child. It is important to realize that learning is integral to the growth of children. As adults, parents can better recognize the vulnerability of their children. This enables maneuvering and customizing tools favorably.

Educate your child to use the tool (internet or mobile) favorably to resolve the problem considerably.

The more thorough and well equipped your child is, the better he/she can handle cyber bullies (sometimes, even without your support!). Changing mobile numbers and usernames can help to some extent. If the site facilitates, block the bully to make your child inaccessible. The bullying incident can be reported to the website manager for appropriate action. Avoid responding to messages or e-mails of the bully.

Gain confidence of your child to enable him/her share an unfavorable incident with you. You may not be able to assist your child unless you are aware of the situation. Listen calmly to the story and ask for your child’s reaction. Ask for the child’s opinion and suggest practical solutions. Follow up, as the bully may revert to bring more damage along with.

Sometimes, cyber bullying leaves your child with low self-esteem and self-confidence. Alleviate his/her sense of individual power; you can involve him/her in some decision-making at home. Divert focus by creating enjoyable and favorable opportunities.

Technology may be a necessary evil. By using it the right way, you devise solution(s) to resolve the difficulty. It is better to take command before a thing becomes overwhelming. Behaving alert and pro-active can keep your child from being a victim. On facing an unfavorable situation, use judgment instead of impulse.

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If technology is a boon, it can be a curse as well.

Cyber bullying is one such instance to prove the downside of technology. In some cases, parents are not even aware of such an incident till something serious happens with their children. Some people also feel that school authorities do not have a prominent role in handling such issues and are unable to stop these effectively, even if they try. However, the truth is that a school does have the power to tackle cyber bullying through various effective measures.

Let us take a look at what a school can do to prevent this dreadful online crime known as cyber bullying.

1. Training begins at school

Children spend a large part of their day in school and in most cases friends from school initiate cyber bullying. Hence, it is the responsibility of the school to explain to students the negative consequences of cyber bullying and that it is a serious offense.

The school curriculum should include classes which teach students proper online behavior and ways to manage negative online conduct. These classes should also give students tips to remain safe online and encourage them to report any incident of cyber bullying to the administration immediately.

Schools are supposed to be safe places of learning. When bullying of any kind is going on, students can't concentrate. Stop all forms of bullying now.

Educating the staff can also prove to be beneficial as this awareness would help them detect a victim or an offender and take suitable action. In fact, parents should also be made aware so that they can identify if their kids are involved in cyber bullying and discuss it with the school to solve the situation. A strong co-operation between the school and home enables to curb online harassment fast.

2. Zero tolerance attitude

Schools should adopt stringent rules against cyber bullying. Students and parents should be aware that any kind of hostile behavior online will not be tolerated and will be handled strictly by the school.

A school may also implement the use of AUP in which the student and the parent sign and agree to follow the policies stated in the legal document. This document empowers the school to take action against any abusive conduct online.

3. A professional team at work

Establishing a cyber safety team in school can help to a great extent in addressing the issue of online safety. This team should include efficient people who will assist and guide the students to properly handle personal information online. Also, this team should have a person with whom the students may get in touch and consult regarding any online trouble they face.

4. A friend you need

At times, students who are a victim of cyber bullying start to feel dejected and do not feel comfortable to express their fears. But they have a strong urge to report the incident to someone so that it stops.

In such a case, installing a drop-box for complaints at school may come to their rescue. Also, forming a student panel which is responsible to check bullying of students may prove helpful for the victims.

In addition to this, schools should provide counseling services to the children who are offenders or bystanders. Through a proper counseling, these children are most likely to understand their faults and mend their ways.

Schools indeed are capable to put an end to cyber bullying. And with some states providing legal rights to schools to intervene in incidents of cyber bullying, they have surely turned into a powerful entity.

About the author: Alia Haley is a blogger who is a health buff and religiously follows a healthy lifestyle. She leaves no stone unturned when it comes to maintaining the perfect work life balance. These days she is busy in writing on beyonce biography and Gi Joe Action Figures.

Bullying can take many forms, from physical confrontations in the school halls and playground to harassment on the Internet and cell phones. Most parents are unaware that their child is being bullied until the situation is out of control. Judy Helm Wright, author, parent and life educator, shares her advice on bullying in schools and how to take control of the situation before it takes control over you and your child.
How does bullying usually begin?

Many day care providers and pre-school teachers are telling me that they can see signs of aggression and bullying by age 2 or 3. Most little kids are aggressive at times and will take what they want from another child. Aggressive behavior that goes beyond the ordinary pushing and shoving is unsettling for most parents, teachers and other children. This is the primary time to teach empathy and to intervene in behavior that is not respectful to others.
What can a teenager do if they are being bullied?

As parents we hope that our kids will come to us, but most do not. They are afraid that we will over-react or even worse, do nothing. They are also afraid of retaliation from the bully or peer group if they “snitch” or “narc” on the offender. It is important to convey to them that we have their back and that we will only step in if they ask us to, but we may have suggestions which will help them stop the bullying.
What are the signs that a parent should look for if their child is being bullied?

I have listed a number of ways parents and caring adults will recognize signs of a child who is being bullied in a free report available at CyberBullyingHelp.com   Here are some to watch for:

• They make excuses to avoid going to school or activities

• Experience a sudden, unexplained deterioration in class work

• Appear to have low self-esteem or friendship issues

• Are not sleeping well or wetting the bed

• Appear anxious, insecure, distressed, unhappy, sad, secretive or have mood changes and seem more angry than usual.

What should parents do if they suspect or know their child is being bullied?

Of course, the symptoms listed above can mean a number of different things are occurring in the life of your child. When you observe any of these signals you and your child need to have some open, non-judgmental conversations about what is going on in life. Help them to problem solve.
How can parents help disabled teens set boundaries?

In my book The Left Out Child available at TheLeftOutChild.com  I have listed many suggestions for helping children to see themselves as others see them. Often a disabled child will not understand the subtle non-verbal signals that are so important in peer relationships.
What is the best way for a parent to discuss a bullying problem with school administrators or teachers?

Very carefully and not full of accusations and threats of law-suits. It is important to document that it is on-going bullying, rather than a one-time incident that got carried away. Always ask your child for permission to discuss it with the teacher. Go to the meeting as a partner, not an enemy.
Should parents monitor their teen’s cell phone or computer use?

Yes, computers and cell phones are a privilege, not an expectation. Keep computers in a common living area of the house, so the child knows you can walk by at any time.
What should a parent do if they suspect their own child is a bully?

Once again, it may be a one-time mad day, or it could be an on-going pattern of aggressive behavior. Bullies never grow out it; they just get bigger and more devious. There is a period of teaching empathy where it is easily learned (up to about 8 years old) and then it must be taught by intervention. That means stopping the unacceptable behavior and explaining why it is wrong and not allowed. Parents and teachers do a dis-service to the world to not intervene and teach how to respect everyone, no matter what their situation is.  Claim your eBook on Bullying in Schools – a guide for parents and teachers today.
About Judy Helm Wright

Judy H. Wright writes about respect for all. No more bullying in schools or on the playground.

Judy (aka Auntie Artichoke) is a parent educator, family coach, and personal historian who has written more than 20 books, hundreds of articles and speaks internationally on family issues, including care giving. Trained as a ready to learn consultant, she works with Head Start organizations and child care resource centers. She also volunteers time writing end-of-life stories for Hospice.

She and Dwain, her husband of 40 years, have six grown children and seven grandchildren. They consider their greatest success in life that their children like themselves and each other. The honorary title of “Auntie” is given in many cultures to the wise women who guide and mentor others in life.