Parents, teachers, extended family and neighbors recognize the special challenges of those who love and teach learning disabled children and adults. They are usually sensitive, kind and giving as small children. Because they are small in stature, people are more forgiving of what they can and cannot do.

Teenagers With Learning Disabilities

However, as these cute little kids grow into teens and adults, they have accelerated difficulties. He/she is still very dependent, while becoming harder to control, guide and teach.  The skills may be delayed, but the body and hormones are changing daily.

A LD teen may not understand or confuse many aspects of life when in social situations.  Sensitive to others anyway, this teen may react negatively to any correction or criticism. What may have started out as casual banter, may be interpreted as  hurtful teasing.

Learning disabilities can make the social scene very hard for teens.

Brain disorders are expressed in many strange ways, included a frenzy of hyperactivity.  This hyperactivity may irritate the very people the teen is hoping to attract as friends.

Teens With Learning  or Physical Disability  May Become Target of Teasing

As I have said in many of the previous posts and articles-bullying and teasing is about power. The bully looks for someone who can be manipulated or humiliated in order to make himself/herself feel more important.

The majority of learning disable adolescents do not have social skills and the ability to communicate in order to stop the teasing.  Self esteem and confidence is not easy to come by in any teenager, but may be especially lacking in those who have severe physical or learning abilities.

The amount of teasing, bullying, name calling and taunting that goes on in Special Ed classes and in the hallways of schools internationally, is overwhelming.  This is especially true in junior high and high school when independence is encouraged and tattling is discouraged.

What Should Teachers and Parents Do

Kindness and empathy for others hopefully is an on-going conversation in your home and classroom.  Help all children, but especially those that have learning and social difficulties, to determine if it is a big problem or a small problem.  If it is a small problem help them come up with techniques or ideas to solve it themselves.

If it is a big problem, which involves safety, help them to communicate either with the bully or with an adult. Tattling is to get someone in trouble.  Telling is to save someone from harm.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. What do you think when you see a learning disabled teen?
2. Do you feel that you have nothing in common?
3. Would you step up and intervene or find help if you saw someone being teased?
4. Do you agree with the difference between tattling and telling?
5. Can you decide what is a big problem and what is a small problem in life?

You are a smart and strong person and I have confidence you will find good solutions to help support not only learning disabled teens, but others who are being teased and bullied.  Be sure to claim your free report about bullying at http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com

Thank you for being part of a community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.

Often the target or victim of teasing feels powerless and hopeless to change the situation.

The term cyberbullying did not exist a decade ago but mean people did.

Cyberbullying is the repeated use of technology to harass, humiliate or threaten others.

The techniques and styles of bullying have changed but the cruelty and power struggles are still going on in schools internationally. Bullies are not limited to the classroom, hall or playground.  Because so many children use technology on a daily basis, cyberbullying can take place anywhere and anytime.

Anywhere from one-third to one-half of youths have been targeted by cyberbullies, according to an article by Jennifer Holladay in Fall, 2010 issue of Teaching Tolerance, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center.  Jennifer goes on to say ” And those experiences produce damaging consequences-everything from a decline in academic performance to thoughts about suicide.

Types of Cyberbullying

• Identity theft- fake profiles might be set up pretending to be an individual with the sole aim of bullying others
• Chat rooms, blogs and forums- although you are supposed to be at least 13 years old to participate, very few are monitored.
• Pictures and photo sharing – videos of girls dressing and undressing in the locker room after soccer practice can be taken with an Iphone and then shared on various sites.
• Prank phone calls- these may just be annoying, but can turn to stalking if it persists.
• Text messages- can be abusive and threatening.
• E-mail- it is very easy to set up a new email account with a fictitious name and begin sending offensive e-mails.
• Instant messages- quicker than email, these permit users to have real time conversations and arguments.
• Social media- Facebook and Myspace are easy for cyberbullies to post offensive messages.

What Should Parents Do About Cyberbullying?

• Encourage them to talk to you about what is going on in their lives and the lives of their friends. If they are feeling anxiety or fear I recommend a wonderful program @
• Don’t over react until you are sure that it wasn’t a misunderstanding.  Youth are nervous about sharing concerns with parents for fear of them going ballistic and making matters worse.
• Encourage them to show you any abusive or offensive emails and keep a record of what has gone on.
• Turn on safety features to ensure that your family is only getting messages from those you wish to correspond with.
• Ask them how you can help them to solve the problem.  If you jump in and solve, it will only reinforce in their minds that they are victims.
• Teach them life skills, like setting boundaries and speaking up in difficult situations.  These are social skills that will help them for the rest of their lives.

Cyberbullying may be a new term but you can equip your family to win and prosper in any situation.

Please sign up for a free report @ http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com which will give you tips and techniques to strengthen your children in the new cyber-world.

Do you worry about how safe your child is while on the internet?  Are you freaked out by the stories in the news about cyberbullying and cyberstalking? Is it possible that sexual predators use the internet daily to troll for victims?

Parents Should Be Aware of Dangers Online

Using the Internet has become second nature to all of us.  According to Paul Bauer author of  101 Internet Safety Tips For Kids

The Internet is a great resource for homework, but can also be a dangerous place for children to be. Teach Internet Safety.

the Internet is also a minefield.  He sites the following statistics;

• 93% of all children between 12 and 17 years old use the Internet
• 16% of teens consider meeting someone they’ve only talked to online and never met before
• 8% actually meet someone they have never met before but meet online
• 32% of teens clear the browser history to hide what they do online from their parents
• 16% of teens have created private e-mail addresses or social networking profiles to hie what they do online from parents
• 63% say they know how to hide what they do online from parents
• 20% of teens have engaged in cyberbullying behaviors
• 42% of parents do not review the content of what their child reads and/or types in chat rooms or via Instant Messaging.
• 30% of parents allow their teenagers to use the computer in private areas such as bedrooms

Internet is Great Resource- But Be Careful

Mostly the Internet is useful and fun and definitely here to stay.  But I recommend  keeping the Internet access on a family computer in a communal area, like a living room, rather than in children’s bedrooms.  Kids might protest, but you are the parents.  It is much better to go through a pout session with a teen, than trying to track down a pervert who is stalking your child.

Commercially available software is available (check the resource page at www.cyberbullyinghelp.com ) that will filter and block access to sites featuring adult material.

Find out what sites your child goes to on a regular basis by asking and then checking.  You are the parent and the computer and cell phones are privileges.   Because many parents were not exposed to the cell phones and small personal computers as teens, they are not aware of the many dangers and benefits that are available online.  Make it your business to find out.

Cyberbullying is More Common Than Many Thought

Remind your kids to be selective about giving out email addresses and  change that email address if they are bullied online. Reassure them that you will be available for support, should they feel harassed.   The most influential education goes on between you and your child in daily conversations.  Build a bond of trust even when they act uninterested in sharing details of their lives with you.

Self Awareness Quiz

1. Do you know if your child has ever been uncomfortable with an online message?
2. Do you know what to do if your child is harassed on social media like Facebook or Myspace?
3. Are you talking about the dangers of the Internet the same way you talk about what to do if there were a fire in the house?
4. Do you keep computers in central place and monitor what is going on?
5. Are you sure your child would tell you if they were being bullied or cyberbullying someone else?

This is an interesting story in the Boston Herald.  What do you think?  Leave a comment here for us.

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/view.bg?articleid=1295306&srvc=rss

Judy Helm Wright, of Missoula, Montana has become “The Bully Advocate.” As an author, keynote speaker and family educator, she has seen the damage done when bullying occurs.

Her blog http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com is filled with information and a free report for parents and teachers.  The goal of the blog is to:

1. Empower the bully to gain empathy and gain new ways of communication
2. Empower the victim or target to gain assertiveness skills and how to set boundaries.
3. Empower the bystander or witness to speak up or find help.
4. Empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy.

My husband and I read the local Missoula newspaper each morning at breakfast. It is called the  Missoulian and has some of the finest writers and photo journalists in the country.  Many come here to the University Of Montana for the school of journalism and then stay because of the beautiful country and caring community.  We are very fortunate to have them.

November 3, 2010 there were two articles that especially struck our interests and started a good conversation.  Jamie Kelly, who has done an excellent job of covering the bullying controversy in the community, wrote about a hazing incident that probably started out innocent and playful, but could have ended in a tragedy for one or more teens.  The four students, all football players and seniors, are serving three to 10 day suspensions for the role in the hazing, which happened after football practice at Big Sky High School.

This was a hard lesson to learn for the kids, the team, the school and the community.

Teen age boys sometimes make decisions that will have far reaching effects for the future.

At least 10 students, sophomores and juniors were shot in the back or buttocks with a pump action Airsoft pellet gun that was brought into school in an athletic gear bag.  None of the kids “ratted” to teachers or administration.  But one mom was concerned enough to call officials.  The prinicipal Laboski was quoted in the article as saying “A lot of kids said it didn’t bother them, that it was no big deal.”

But it could have been a very big deal.

On the same page as the article by Jamie Kelly was one by Nick Gevock, of the Montana Standard.  His report was about teens and guns too.  But these teens had gone hunting with their fathers and grandfather.  This is a time honored practice in Montana.  A little male bonding, a little sharing of family stories and learning values and standards from various generations.

However, these 5 five young men aged from 13 to 16 learned a lesson too.  When the teens woke up and discovered the adults who had slept in anothertent with a propane heater were unconscious, they acted with keen minds and problem solved a situation that was very frightening.  One of the teens drove back off the isolated road to get into cell coverage and made an emergency call.  The other four stayed in camp and pulled the men out into the fresh air and safety.

Even though the boys were not sure what to do precisely, they recognized that they needed to step up and do something positive in order to change the outcome of the situation.

The adults are recuperating and the boys are probably saying “Oh, it was no big deal.”

But it could have been a very big deal.

For more information on hazing, bullying, encouraging bystanders to step up, please see http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com

Rules for Respect-Boundaries of Behavior

© Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family and relationship coach

Do your kids think you have too many rules?  Do they push the limits and boundaries of respect? Do they think it is funny to pick on someone who is different than they are? Perhaps you have had similar conversations that started like these in order to teach respect for others.

“What’s the matter with that word, they say it all the time on television?”

“We were only teasing her, we didn’t mean it.”

Though children and young adults will get mixed or conflicting messages from the television, magazine and friends, they need you to set and enforce clear, respectful rules and limits. They need to know that you expect them to do and be their best.

By providing this guidance you will help them learn how to be responsible, contributing members of society.

Consistent boundaries within the family are pretty predictable;

Consistency in discipline is the number one factor in successful families: It is important that love, respect, cooperation and expectations are unconditional and not dependant on circumstances or behavior.

Here are some common boundaries your family may have;

• The car will not start until the seat belt clicks.
• Parents must always know the 4 Ws before they are allowed to leave with friends. WHO are the friends, WHERE are they going, WHAT are they doing, and WHEN will they be home.
• We do not speak in derogatory ways about anyone.
• A child can count on dinner being at six o’clock or there about.
• Bedtime is 8:30 on school nights and homework is done before playtime.

Consistent boundaries and standards give a child and the whole family a feeling of security and safety. It is within this safe environment that self-discipline and life skills begin to flourish and develop.

Be Partners with Schools and Community Organizations

As a community, as well as a family, we need to give consistent messages to our children concerning dangerous, unacceptable and unkind behavior. When they understand hateful teasing or name calling is not acceptable it will be easier for them to forgo temptation to participate.

It is our responsibility as adults to help them learn and live by the basic rule that actions have consequences. By teaching and enforcing family, school and community rules, you teach respect and tolerance for all.

Thank you for doing a good job

You are doing the most important job in the world, raising self-disciplined, thoughtful and contributing children.  Thank you for your time and effort.  We will all be blessed by having members of society who work within a framework of acceptable behavior.

This article was written just for you by Judy H. Wright, author and international speaker on parenting and family issues. Feel free to share with friends and associates, but please include this resource and contact box.

Judy Helm Wright, of Missoula, Montana has become “The Bully Advocate.” As an author, keynote speaker and family educator, she has seen the damage done when bullying occurs. Her blog http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com is filled with information and a free report for parents and teachers. The goal of the blog is to: 1. Empower the bully to gain empathy and gain new ways of communication 2. Empower the victim or target to gain assertiveness skills and how to set boundaries. 3. Empower the bystander or witness to speak up or find help. 4. Empower the group, school, family or community to adopt a no-bully, respect for all policy.

For a full listing of books, articles, tele-classes and workshops go to  http:// www.ArtichokePress.com You may also sign up there for FREE articles and Newsletters having to do with “finding the heart of the story in the journey of life” by clicking on   http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com You will be glad you did and so will we.

Have you smiled and walked away when someone told a joke about “fags?”  Were you aware that the number one insult between teenage boys has to do with sexual orientation? When you read the news of young teens killing themselves, do you not think it has anything to do with you? When you see celebrities like Larry King, Ellen Degeneres, Anderson Cooper, Nate Berkus and Dr. Phil speaking out against bullying, do you feel a little more empowered to step up and speak out against gay bashing teens?
Why Kids Bully Gays

Kids tend to dislike or distrust anything that is different than them.  Diversity may be a goal, but the underlying emotion of the adolescent is to fit in at any costs.

Being bullied for looking or acting different can lead to teen depression. Boys tend to bully gay teens with hurtful insults.

Teens like Raymond Chase in Rhode Island, Tyler Cementi in New Jersey, Seth Walsh in California, Billy Lucas in Indiana and Asher Brown in Texas were all victims of anti-gay bullying and cyberbullying.

These teens were bullied and taunted because they didn’t fit in. Sometimes, kids are bullied because someone believes they are not heterosexual. They usually don’t fit the stereotypes of easily identifiable masculine and feminine.  Many of the kids are simply under developed physically and are already questioning their sexual hormones.

Gay Teens Are Bullied Often

If a teen is brave enough to speak up and come out as homosexual or different, then they really are targeted and bullied. It is a tough decision for an adolescent to make.

A 2005 Harris poll found 90 percent of gay and lesbian teens say they’ve been bullied in the past year.  Nearly two-thirds of these students feel unsafe in school according to the  2009 survey by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.

Peer to peer sexual bullying is one of the most widespread forms of violence in the schools today. When kids don’t feel safe, they are hardly in a position  or mindset to learn but rather just want to protect themselves or as one teen told me “to disappear.”

Verbal Sexual Bullying

Verbal sexual bullying is the most common form of bullying but differs for genders. The words used to bully boys are derogatory terms defining them as “less manly-more like a girly girl.”  They also tend to use homophobic terms that refer to sexual orientation or direction.

Girls, however, tend to go after insults that damage self image.  So “Fat Slut” or “Ugly Ho” are common insults.  Many girls also receive and give threats to sexually violate the victim.  It seems to be particularly hurtful when other girls damage the reputation of each other by spreading lies, rumors or gossip about sexual activity or orientation.

Speak Up Against Bullying

We are all bullies when we condone the bullying behavior of our children, friends or neighborhood kids.  It is amazing how effective it is when an adult speaks up and says “Hey, that is not funny” or “That is unacceptable language and no one wants or deserves to hear it.”

Quiz About Your Feeling On This Issue

1. Will you be brave enough to speak up when you hear teens speaking disrespectfully to each other?
2. Have you ever laughed at a joke about someone being gay?
3. Do you think it is possible to stop teen bullying?
4. What can you do to empower some one who has been bullied for being gay?

Be sure to claim your free report in the box on the right of the page.  You will be glad you did.  I have confidence in you and your ability to help build a world of respect, kindness and tolerance for all.

Hazing – Tradition or Tragedy

In America kids have been back in school for a couple of months. Athletic teams have been selected. After school groups and clubs have formed. There has been a migration for those who want to find a group to either finding that community or feeling even more isolated and alone.

Recent blog posts and articles  have dealt with the one who was left out, the victim or the target. We have discussed the bully and what motivates the bullying actions, and we have written about  the bystander who does not speak up or even worse, encourages the bullying

We have even talked about what makes us do what we do. Why do we bully or give in to bullies or stand by while someone else is being bullied.

Most hazing by groups is a tradition, but it is very easy for the humiliation to escalate and become a tragedy.

As I have talked and shred many times, it is a fine line between being teased or taunted and being bullied.  It is the pattern of abuse and the intent which defines bullying.

Is hazing considered bullying?

Players Change But Hazing Continues

How about the kid who finally makes it on the team or into the fraternity and wants to retain that status.  It is no longer the hidden push in the locker room, but now an organized and sanctioned group “ritual” that has been going on for years.

In some schools, the incoming freshman are required to carry the books for the senior classmates.  It has always been done, they say.  It is a time honored tradition and just helps the freshman to know the school and meet kids who are in upper grades.

A  recent Family Circle Magazine (April 1, 1010) article stated “Most kids can recognize hazing when it happens to others, but a staggering 90% of victims are unable to admit that they have been hazed.”  Is it that they want to belong so much, that it is worth the price of a little embarrassment or humiliation?

Willing To Participate No Justification For Doing It

Most teens allow themselves to be hazed because they don’t know how to stop it.  The consequences can be just as severe for a child who is being hazed as if he/she were being bullied. One young man told me recently; “Well, at least with hazing, I can stand it because I know it will end when soccer season ends.”

But will it end there?  Will those who are in the position of power enjoy that rush of leadership, no matter how warped it is.  Will they search to find other targets or even continue picking on those who were willing to be hazed in a certain setting.

Bullying and Hazing Are About an Imbalance of Power

Whenever one has power over another it creates an atmosphere of dominance.  That is not character building, but soul destroying.

Questions To Think About

1. Have you ever witnessed a hazing or teasing that went too far?
2. What did you do and how did you feel?
3. Has a gang , group or individual ever told you that “this will build character and it has always been done this way” while embarrassing or humiliating you?
4. If you were being hazed would you feel powerless?
5. Will you reflect on these feelings the next time you are in a situation to haze or tease someone else?

Please claim your free report on resources to help in bullying situations at http://www.cyberbullyinghelp.com