The Bystander Bully Is Traumatized Too
The Bystander Bully Is Traumatized Too
We have all seen it and discussed it at some point. Bullying is a harmful offense, often committed by someone who is dealing with insecurities in their own life. Both the bully and the bullied are hurt in this situation. However, many fail to notice one of the most important persons in a situation such as this: the bystander.
It seems that there is always a bystander, or likely more than one, when someone else is being sabotaged.
As a bystander or witness to a crime of bullying, you have an obligation to speak up and get help. If not , you as well as the bully and victim will suffer from the incident.
The bystander bully is the one person who could make a difference in this painful social triangle.
Transference of Trauma
Everyone recognizes that bullies and those who are bullied are suffering. Victims and targets who are traumatized are easy to pinpoint. However, those who are the bystanders are also suffering. As they stand by and watch, their conscience is smarting, and they will likely go home that day with guilty images and nightmares about a situation they knew was wrong, but did not know what to do about it.
The trauma that some experience after witnessing a bullying scene, especially children, is just as life altering as being the victim of the bully. These individuals need some instruction and guidance about how to stop bullies and to support those who have been traumatized.
Cowards or Courageous
Some would label bystanders as cowards, and they are in a way, but they are also simply scared that they are going to become the bullied by placing themselves on the line. Parents and teachers should step up and recognize the need for children to be educated about the effects of bullying and the power of the bystander.
In many cases, as one becomes brave enough to stand up to the bully, others will also take a stand and create a new social dynamic. Even the pat on the arm of someone who has been bullied to indicate that it was not their fault can change the episode to be less traumatic.
All Victims – Target, Bully and Witness
All three parties here need help. And perhaps one may feel safe because they are the friend of the bully, but someone who treats others with this type of disrespect are just as likely to turn on those they call their friends.
No one is exempt from harm; the bully, the victim and the witnesses to the crime.
The sooner a bystander can learn to take a stand over abuse, the sooner this situation can be brought to an end
Tender Mercies,
Judy Helm Wright
PS: If your child is having difficulty making friends, you will want to claim a free e-course on “likebilty” from http://www.TheLeftOutChild.com You will be glad you did.
August 12th, 2010 at 12:28 am
Judy,
This is a well written article. There is so much truth in what you said about the bystander that watches bullying. Students need to be taught how to stand up to bullies. Students don’t realize that they are part of the solution or part of the problem. That’s why I wrote two children’s book on bullying. “Standing Up” for teenagers at Amazon.com and No, I Don’t Want To Play Today for younger children. Thanks for writing this article.
Brenda Jones/Published Author