Too Tired To Parent – Why Parenting Is So Hard Now
Hello from Montana:
Children need parents to be in charge. They need to know what the rules are and how to set boundaries. The family needs to decide what the values and standards they will use to make decisions. They need to feel safe and secure in their home environment. Remember that children are easily frightened by many thing, including bullies at school, new experiences, family situations, even the shows they watch on television. The world is a scary place for them, especially if no one is in charge and on their side. They need to feel like someone is on their home team and will help them find solutions to problems.
Scary and Ever Changing World Out There
Imagine that you, as an adult, have never left your neighborhood and extended family circle. Then suddenly you are sent to Russia or China with very little instructions and guidance on what to expect and what to do. What if you had no idea what was accepted and what was inappropriate behavior or what other people were used to doing each day.
It is a scary and ever changing world out there and our children must be given guidance and boundaries in order to navigate the system. the word discipline is derived from the word Disciple, which means teacher, leader and guide. Children need someone to show them the ropes, and warm them of the dangers and teach them how to problem solve.
Parents Are Tired, So Turn On Television
Parents, especially those who work outside the home and are faced with a dwindling job market are exhausted at the end of day. It is important that all family members work together. They have little time or energy for quality connections and conversations with children about their feelings and emotions. Children may start to look to “the third parent” or television for companionship and relief from the cares of the day.
Television, video games and the computer often give a one dimensional view of life. Children may feel that violence is normal, that it is okay to speak with disrespect to others and that their parents don’t care. They don’t want to be in control, they want adults to be in charge.
Mom and Dad Must Be The Boss
For the welfare of the children and society, parents must be in charge. Children who are in control at home are miserable at home and at school, and they make everyone else equally unhappy. Parents must make the time and effort to teach children how to behave, how to relate to others and what values the family holds dear.
The goal of parenting is to protect and nurture until the children become self-sufficient members of society and the community. However, the overriding goal is to teach and guide children how to live full, productive, happy futures and to build strong relationships with others. It is a huge undertaking and a life-long commitment.
You can do it. I have confidence in you.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
PS: Claim your free 30 page report today on having kids pitch in with the family chores. You will find it at http://www.kidschoresandmore.com
You will be glad you did.
Tags: family time, how to set boundaries, Judy H Wright, parenting and children, parents in charge, positive discipline, scary world out there, success in life, watch television too much
June 10th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Many great points here, and all quite weighty in their implications and consequences. I like your new focus too.
I agree that the goal of parenting is to raise children in love to be self-sufficient. The flip side is that the children must learn how to become self-reliant, responsible and contributing members of society. It’s a two-way street.If we have done our respective jobs well, they will be prepared for the many suprises in store as the future becomes now.
June 11th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Judy, this is excellent advice for parents. It can be tough to find the energy to engage with our children when we’re worn out from life, but as parents our children have got to stay our top priority. No job or commitment is more important than the one to raise our children with the support and guidance (including boundaries) they need to grow into self-sufficient little people ready to make a positive impact on their world.
June 12th, 2010 at 2:56 am
I see our daughters come home so tired and yet still have activities to attend, meals to fix, baths to supervise, and I just marvel. It takes a lot of energy to be present with your children. You really have to be committed.
June 15th, 2010 at 2:34 am
Very good information toward correct parenting skills in an ever changing world. Thank you I believe that when children are out of control or disruptive that they are screaming out to find out the boundaries that will keep them safe. Only by spending time with them and parents truly listening will we have the chance to put into their hearts the safety of boundaries