Bullies in School, Neighborhood and Work Place
Welcome to our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.
Bullying can inflict physical and emotional harm to the victims or targets who did nothing to deserve the demeaning behavior. Bullying by direct or indirect methods can bring social embarrassment, humiliation and social isolation.
Being a Target of a Bully
Being a victim or target of a playground, workplace or neighborhood bully can have harmful consequences which can impact people seriously for the the rest of their lives. Knowing that they may be attacked or singled out for harassment, many victims become isolated and preoccupied with the task of avoiding situations where they will be open to the bully.
There are two types of targets that bullies look for:
- Passive victims. Passive victims tend to be either physically weaker, equipped with fewer social skills and have less of a support group. This group tends to be more anxious and turned inward, both mentally and with body language. Bullies tend to justify picking on the passive victim because they feel they will not be caught and that “They deserved it because they were trying to hide.” An example of this in the workplace could be a manager stealing the work of a co-worker and putting his/her name on it. Thus taking credit knowing that they will get away with it because of the unequal division of power.
- Provocative victims. These are the people who are in the spotlight and the bully wants to “Take them down a peg or two.” Provocative targets may be those who have poor social skills and impulse control and so tend to irritate or annoy others with their behaviors. Bullies tend to find pleasure in provoking situations which will cast the target in a bad light. An example of this is a neighbor who starts rumors about a home owner who has the biggest display of lawn ornaments.
Bullying is About Power
In a conflict, both sides have equal power to resolve the problem. Bullying is an intentional, one-sided use of power and mean spirit to control another. If you or a friend feels that you are the target or victim of either a person or group, then please do not feel ashamed or that you did anything to bring on that kind of trauma. Bullies are bullies, whether they are on school grounds, work places or in our neighborhoods. They are looking for victims. If you were not there, they would find someone else.
The bully is the problem not you. It is not your fault.
Empower yourself and others. I have confidence in you.
Wishing you a life filled with kindness and respect,
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
2400 West Central, Missoula, MT 59801 USA
Connect on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/judyhwright
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Tags: body language, bullies in school, school yard, victim of bully, victims
June 4th, 2010 at 9:15 pm
How to we make our kids and grands “bully” proof? Bullies know who they can pick on. Teaching our kids to stand up in confidence and also stand up for those who are being picked on can be a challenge… but necessary. Both take courage!
June 5th, 2010 at 12:50 am
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June 13th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
Hey Judy, thanks for the topics!
Bullies learn how to be bullies from other bullies–and bullies run in packs. With backing from their friends, bullies easily pray on the little guy. When I see parents standing by, watching them and cheering on the attacks (like a YouTube incident several months ago)? Well, it makes me sick. Hopefully when children are pushed out of the nest, we will have taught our children about accountability, integrity, discipline, honesty and doing the right thing.
When parents are too busy and exhausted and don’t stay on top of what their children are doing every day on a regular basis, or if the parents are bullies themselves, these kids (who model their parents) just don’t have a chance.
I also think it’s about lack of self esteem. Healthy, nurturing parents are good at building healthy self esteem in their children. Parents who never had nurturing parents have a tough time with teaching self esteem, unless they’ve had some healthy help along the way. Parenting is the toughest job in the world. It’s so much more than having the perfect family picture posted on wall for all to see.
Workplace Bullying: I know a young man who was working at a hardware store while he was going to school, and, who, on a regular basis, would daily watch the owner bully his employees in front of others. This young man got sick and tired of it. One day, he walked up to the owner and told him his bullying behavior with his employees was unacceptable. He said, “I quit and I’ll find someplace else to work.” He walked out. Good for him!